When Gravity Fails (Anti-Gravity)
by cartoonsforlife1314
Summary: Anti-Gravity, as told by 12-year-old Wendy. WARNING: Does not happen exactly like the series. (I drew the cover image)
1. Anti-Gravity

I'm just gonna say I expected this summer to be boring.

So I've lived in Gravity Falls pretty much my whole life-almost my entire family does. Aunts, uncles, cousins…so I know the town inside out. Typically it's pretty predictable here.

But something new happened. Stan, the guy who owns the Mystery Shack, had his great-niece and nephew come out.

My cousin, Soos, and I typically hang out around the Shack most of the time. At this point we kind of have a daily routine-go inside and examine all the merchandise until Stan realizes that we have no money and gives us the boot.

Today, though, we made it past our usual fifteen and a half minutes inside. And there were NEW PEOPLE.

Soos, of course was enthralled, but I was confused. Nobody comes to Gravity Falls-it's in the middle of nowhere. Excuse me, it's on the FAR EDGE of nowhere.

There was a boy and a girl, a few years older than us, and they were talking to Stan.

"So who do you think they are?" Soos questions me.

"I dunno. Let's find out." I say, and when I'm breathing my braces whistle. We casually walk over, hiding in the clothing racks, until we're close enough to see them. They're talking about something.

"Wendy, can we get out of the puma shirts?" Soos asks. I clamp my hand over his mouth.

"Shhh. I'm trying to listen." I reply, leaning closer and closer to them. And as I fall out I realize that I'm in a rack of shirts, which have absolutely no support.

I scream when I fall out, and the boy helps me up by giving me a hand. "Are you okay?" he asks me.

I look up at him. Oh my GOSH. He's totally ADORABLE. I let go of his hand and dust off my jeans in what I hope looks casual. This is not like me at all, to get crushes on guys. It's weird, honestly. But this guy…oh wow.

"Hi, I'm Soos. You want a dinosaur cookie?" my cousin asks the girl.

"Oh, you're just ADORABLE!" she says, kneeling down and squeezing his cheeks.

"Hey, we're not adorable. We're very mature for being twelve." I say, embarrassing myself. Sometimes I feel like somebody else controls my brain.

My elbow hurts, and since I'm wearing short-sleeves the bruise is visible.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" the cute guy asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm tough." I say.

He laughs. "Okay. I'm Dipper, by the way."

"What kind of a name is that?" I ask him. Am I just going to keep embarrassing myself over and over? Come on, Wendy, get it together. I mentally slap myself in the face.

"The kind you get from an embarrassing birthmark." he says. "And you are?"

"I'm Wendy, and that-" I say, pointing to my cousin, who's taken off his shirt and is showing the girl his muscles (or lack thereof), "-is Soos."

"Well, that's my sister Mabel. So Wendy, do you come around here often?" he asks me. Oh my gosh, he said my name. What do I do? Sometimes I really wish that Tambry was here during these girl crisis moments…

"Uh…yeah…well…I…kind of…" I stutter out. He laughs.

"Well, I'll see you around." he says. "I've got to go unpack."

"You live here?" I ask. Stupid hormonal girl brain…speak in more than three-word sentences!

"For the summer. Stan's my great-uncle."

"Cool. I've lived here-well, not HERE here, but in Gravity Falls, for my entire life so I know all the cool places and stuff." I say. Oy…Wendy, stop being embarrassing! He probably thinks I'm just some weird little kid.

He scratches his chin a little bit. "Okay. So could you tell me where I'd find the best arcade around here?"

My eyes light up. Ohmigosh he likes arcades. I like arcades! "Yeah, there's one about a mile from my house." Why did I just tell him where the arcade was in relation to my house? He's never been to my house. So therefore how would he have any idea where the arcade was?

"Okay. Thanks. You'll have to show me, since I'm not sure where you live." he says. Mental facepalm again!

"Okay-" I say, and get cut off.

"Hey, you kids going to buy anything?" Stan asks. I shake my head to symbolize no.

"You have any money?"

"No, but I have cookies." Soos says.

"Okay, then GET OUT! And no touching the merchandise on your way back home!" he barks at us.

Stan kind of scares me. His eye patch is constantly switching the eye that it's on and he's grumpy.

"They were nice." Soos says, putting his shirt back on.

"Yeah." I say. "Yeah…" I'm daydreaming.

"Wen?" Soos says, waving a hand in front of my face. "Wendy?"

"Siberia!" I say. School protocol. Soos looks confused.

"Are you okay?" he asks me.

"What? No. Wait, sorry, yeah. I'm great, actually." I say. There's a butterfly in my stomach. No, there's a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

"I know what this is." he says, slyly grinning. "You liiiiiiiiiike that guy."

"What? No, I so don't." I say, poking him.

"You do! You want to marry him and have kids and kiss a lot!" he says. I elbow him.

"Twerp! I do NOT!" I retort.

"You looooooooooooove him, you looooooooove him." Soos screams, running around me in circles. I grab the back of his shirt and make him stop.

"No, I don't!"

I swear, sometimes my cousin is like an annoying little brother.


	2. I can't come up with creative titles

Soos has been teasing me for the past three hours, and nothing I do seems to get him to stop. I've even resorted to duct-taping him to the wall.

"You wanna kiss him!" he says; that's his new phrase. I take a piece of the duct tape and put it on his mouth. But of course right then his grandmother, my great-aunt, walks in the door.

I quickly start pulling pieces of tape off of him before she comes into the room. I manage to free him from the wall, but he's struggling with the mouth tape. And that's exactly the moment she walks in-when she sees me tugging tape off of his mouth.

She starts saying something un-comprehendible (and probably un-repeatable) in Spanish as she helps me with the tape. Soos has lived with his grandma since he was about three or four, since his dad is always on "business trips", so they're really close. I mean, I'm close with my dad ever since my mom died, but that was two years ago, not eight.

Once the tape has been removed, he's back to his old embarrassing antics. I'm ready to tape him to the wall again.

The next day, I call Soos and ask if he wants to go to the Mystery Shack with me.

"You wanna see that boy again?" he teases me. It's irritating even over the phone.

"No, and shut up. I just…want to talk to them again."

"You wanna kiss him…" he says, making noises over the phone. I promptly hang up.

Of course, when I'm at the Mystery Shack, Soos is already there talking to the girl with the big sweaters. I know her name had something to do with syrup, I think…

"Hey, kiddo." I hear, and my hat is promptly in my face. "So where's that arcade?"


	3. Rumbling Emotions

I spent literally three hours playing Fight Fighters (and totally kicking Dipper's butt). And then Robbie came in.

Robbie's one of those really annoying kids who's always had it out for me-he pulled my hair six times during the school year and stuffed me inside a locker. My friend Tambry says it's because he likes me but I find that absolutely disgusting. He still picks his nose.

This time he had his babysitter with him. She's never really been one of those people I talked to before. But she seemed nice enough. I guess.

However, my companion looks up from Rumble McSkirmish's controllers and watches as she pulls her blonde hair out of a ponytail.

"Who's that?" he asks me.

"That's Pacifica. She's really popular around here. Word has it that her great-great grandfather founded the town." I say, hitting the punch button three times. "Boom! I win! Knock-Out!"

"I'm going to go say hi." he says. Why? I thought this was fun.

"But this is the final round." I say.

"I'll be right back, okay?" he says, and before I get a chance to respond he taps my nose and says "You're the best."

I'm the best. That made me giddy for a while. Until I saw him talking to her, and she was laughing.

After about an hour (or ten minutes due to my terrible time skills) they came over here.

"Hi, I'm Pacifica." she says, sticking her hand out. I reluctantly shook it. "Hey, you're Matt Corduroy's little sister, huh?"

"I'm Wendy." I say, not answering her question. I'm trying to keep my irritation inside. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE NICE AND PRETTY AND EVERYTHING?

"Okay. Your brother's actually one of my close friends." she says. Figures that she's Matt's friend.

Then I saw something un-forgettable. He was holding her hand. Why was he holding her hand? I kept my rage on the down-low. "That's cool. You ever played Fight Fighters?" I ask.

"Oh, I'm not much for video games. But I'll give it a try, if you want to." she says to Dipper.

"Sure. Hey, Wendy, could you sit out for a round? Please?" he asks. I'm boiling over the top with rage. I think smoke might actually be coming out of my ears.

"Okay, no problem." I say, trying to be cheerful.

Of course, Soos is here too, and so is his friend. She comes over and sits by me on the bench.

"Hi, I'm Mabel." she says.

"I'm Wendy." I say, looking over at the Fight Fighters game, which was MUCH more than one round long.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm…great." I say, not really meaning it. She sees that and hugs me.

"Hey, it's okay. Your…brother-told me that you…well…like my brother." She whispers the last part to me.

"He's my cousin, and he's got a big mouth." I tell her. She laughs.

"I get it. You know how many times my brother's embarrassed me?" she says.

"Really?" I ask. "He doesn't seem like the kind of person who would do that."

She shakes her head. "Almost every guy I've liked he's either wierded out or scared away."

I'm actually laughing now. "Hey, Wendy, you want to play another round?" I hear.

I give Mabel a big brace-faced smile and she gives me a thumbs-up sign. "Go to him, Young Grasshopper." she says, bowing. She's a little bit strange…

"I'm so going to beat you." I say.

"Not a chance, kid. I'm a pro at this game." he says.

"You discovered it three hours ago. I've been playing for eight years." I say.

"It is so on."

That night I laid awake in my bed, thinking about Pacifica. Was I jealous of her? And then the answer hit me. I was jealous. Green with envy, to match the color of my shirt.

I know that she seemed nice and everything, and I know that since I'm twelve and he's fifteen I don't really have a chance but it's worth trying, right?


	4. 3

They're dating now. It's disgusting. She's not even his type of person! Well, I would think. I mean, he's all down-to-earthy and she's a spoiled rich little princess.

So a few days ago, they kissed. Right in front of me! It was terrible. Oh my gosh my emotions erupted into one big volcano of curse words under my breath. I was impressed that I happened to know that many.

I've actually gotten close with Mabel-that's who I'm sharing all my lava with.

"You're upset." she says.

"No. Just insanely irritated." I say, walking back into the "Employees Only" section of the Mystery Shack-the house part.

"Come upstairs. And then we'll talk." she tells me and doesn't give me time to respond before she grabs my wrist and practically drags me up the stairs.

"That hurt." I say when she sits me down on her bed. Her friends are in her room too- Candy and Grenda, I think. They seem nice enough. Candy's a skinny little Asian girl with big cat-eye glasses that take up 95% of her face and Grenda's kind of on the larger side and is on the high school's wrestling team.

"Good. Now spill. What's going on?" she says, taking a piece of my hair and braiding it.

"Well, he…he…I can't believe it…" I stutter. She tilts her head to the side.

"He what?" she asks.

"He kissed her in front of me! In a public arcade!" I scream, and mutter a few words that Mabel clearly heard and stopped me.

"Wait wait wait-he kissed her? I didn't know that he actually kissed a girl. I've got some major teasing to do, ladies." Mabel announces.

"Okay, curse words are not the answer to anything. You've got to tell him how you feel. Be honest." Candy says. She's pretty smart about these things.

"Curse words help during wrestling meets." Grenda says, and Mabel shushes them.

"Girls, please. We're talking about my brother and his girlfriend, and how much we are not liking this relationship. I need ideas. Speak!" Mabel announces.

Just then Soos walks in the door. "Hey, Wendy, I need to talk to you." he says. He pulls me out into the hallway.

"What?" I ask, but he's leading me down the stairs.

"Soos, where are we going?"

"Just come on!" he says. He drags me out to the forest and stands me in front of a tree.

"Okay, congratulations, you've discovered nature. Now can I leave?" I ask.

"Shh." he says, and takes out his lucky screwdriver. If anyone else ever saw this they would think he was a nut. But that screwdriver's the only thing Soos has from his dad so I don't tease him about it, and don't allow anyone else to.

He taps on the tree, and it makes a metal clanging sound.

"Woah." I say. I knock on it a couple times with my fist, and see a crack in the bark. I try to pull on it but it's stuck.

"Give me that." I say, and grab his screwdriver to pry the tree-door open.

There's a box in there, with two levers and a button.

"It's an old microwave!" Soos says.

"No, stupid." I say. I test one of the levers, which does nothing. I test the other lever, which opens a trap door in the ground.

Soos leans into the cavity and comes out dusty but holding a book. He blows the dust off of it.

There's a big six-fingered hand on the front with a 3 in the middle.


	5. Strange and Wondrous

"What do you think it is?" he asks me. I take the book and open the front cover.

"It says Property Of, but it doesn't say whose property it is. And there's this weird monocle-thing." I say. I flip through a few pages and go back to the first page.

"June 18," I read. "It's hard to believe that it's been six years since I began researching the strange and wondrous happenings of Gravity Falls, Oregon."

"What's so 'strange and wondrous' about Gravity Falls?" Soos asks.

I leaf through a few pages. "Let's hope we don't find out." I say, stopping on a page with a zombie.

"Heh." Soos chuckles.

"What?" I ask. He snickers again.

"It's just that dude looks like Robbie." he says, pointing to the zombie, and I have to admit he's right.

"This book is probably just a bunch of nonsense anyways." I say, but I put it in my backpack for further investigation.

I'm thinking about telling Dipper about the book but I also don't want to be seen as some dorky little kid so I don't. I show Mabel, who promptly tells me to show her brother because he "loves that kind of stuff".

Then she practically drags me out to see him and even though she forced me to show him the book I don't regret doing it for a second.

"Where did you find this?" he asks, looking intently at a page about some weird angry triangle.

"In the woods. There was a hollow tree with a microwave." Soos says.

"This could actually lead to a bunch of conspiracies. Do you know what this means?" he asks me. I have absolutely no idea what it means, but I'm not going to admit to that.

"Yeah. It means that…there could be supernatural stuff going on around here?" I say. It comes out as more of a question.

"Exactly!" he says. I'm beaming with pride. "This could be the start of a new revolution in the scientific era. Ghosts, zombies, vampires…there would have to be supernatural investigations everywhere. You're a genius." he tells me.

Yep, I'm a genius. I think if I smile any bigger my braces are going to cut my mouth.

"So when should we start investigating?" he asks me.

"Huh?" I'm totally lost. Investigating what?

"You know, looking into the supernatural essence of this town. I got a weird sense about it as soon as I got here. This book is just all I needed to be able to-"

"Hey, baby." I hear.

Oh, gross.

"Hey, Pacifica. You're early." he says. She comes over and passionately kisses him. I look at Soos and pretend to gag and throw up.

"Yeah, just wanted to make sure that you were okay." she says. Why would he not be okay? And did she glare at me when she said that?

"Well, I'm fine. I'll meet you at the diner in fifteen minutes, okay?" he says. She storms out of the Shack, slamming the door behind her.

"What was that about?" I ask. He just shakes his head.

"Nothing."

"Why didn't you tell her about 3?" I question.

"About what?"

"About 3…you know, the book?"

"I think the journal should be our secret, okay?" he says.

I'm thrilled. We've got a secret.

"Hang onto this, okay, kiddo?" he says.

I will. I'll hang onto it like my life depended on it.


	6. Molly

Soos and I have been staring at a lake for THREE HOURS because he thinks there might be mermaids in it. I don't want to have to inform him that they would DIE in a lake that literally has five inches of water in it.

Dipper is supervising (I.E. Babysitting) us and he's just reading a book that's massive and seems SOOOOOOOOOOO boring. It's really thick and there's about a thousand words on each page. It's been a week since Dipper and I have looked into our research, and so far we've found literally nothing. Except of course for Soos' "mermaid lake".

We went to the Shack a little later and just sat in the living room watching Duck-tective. Soos went out to "investigate" worms.

And then Mabel brought home her new boyfriend.

He was a little bit on the weird side. I was instantly suspicious.

"This is Norman. We met at the cemetery." she says, her arm linked in his.

Okay, so don't blame me for being suspicious of this dude. He's got a big STICK coming out of his hood and he covers half of his face with hair. And he's abnormally pale.

So was I wrong to chase down Soos after consulting the book to tell him that she had just been kidnapped by a zombie? No, I was not.

He looks at me like I'd just grown horns or something. "You didn't think my mermaids were real so I don't think your zombie is real." he says.

I slap my hand to my forehead and run to find her brother, who isn't there. And neither is the golf cart.

Dang it! I wanted to help.

Soos chases me down to show me the biggest worm I've ever seen. It's about as big as him and he's got a collar and a leash on it.

"This is Molly-she's my new pet." he says.

"Where on EARTH do you find a worm that size?"

"Out in the forest. There was a tiny cat and a big butterfly too but I couldn't catch them." he says, stroking Molly.

I'm not a girly-girl but when it comes to worms I'm a little bit wierded out. "Can you put Molly back?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"No! She's my best friend, Wendy, please don't make me." he says. Not the puppy-dog eyes…

"Fine! Just keep her away from me." I say, backing up. Molly is scary even for a four-foot worm.

Dipper's back with the golf cart and as he pulls in it falls over sideways. We run over to help and realize that the ground is shaking. Why? We hide behind a corner of the house and watch what happens.

Oh. There's a fifty-foot-tall GNOME statue in front of them.

"Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!" the gnome on the top announces.

"This isn't crazy?" Dipper yells, pointing to the big monster-statue.


	7. A new theory, perhaps?

"I have to do it." she says. "Okay, Jeff, I'll marry you."

"Are you CRAZY?" Dipper asks her.

"Trust me. Just this once." she says.

The gnome from the top climbs down and presents her with an elaborate ring. "You may now kiss the bride." she announces. Her hand drifts back to a…is that a leaf blower?

She points it at the gnome's face, and he gets pulled into it. She screams some stuff at him and pushes the lever forwards, shooting him through the rest of the gnomes and into the forest.

Soos runs out, still dragging Molly along by its leash, screaming. He makes it about ten feet and stops to catch his breath.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. I follow him out.

"Hi. Guess you saw that, huh?" Mabel says. "Sorry."

"This is Molly." Soos says, oblivious to everything she just said. Mabel laughs and starts petting the worm.

"She's ADORABLE! We should introduce her to my pig!" Mabel announces. Soos' eyes multiply six times in size and they drag the worm inside.

"So…" I say.

"So…" Dipper says. "Want to go examine that 'mermaid lake'?" he asks, using finger quotes. I laugh.

"As if! I spent enough of my time staring at a totally empty lake."

"Still have that book?" he asks me. I proudly take it out of my backpack, which I've been carrying around for no reason whatsoever (note the sarcasm…).

"I think that 'Molly' may be a part of a new theory." he says.

"Let's go find out!"


	8. Gompers, Waddles and Molly-BFF!

"Hey, check this out." Dipper says.

He pulls away a curtain revealing a ladder going up to the roof. "I found this the other day. Isn't it great?"

"Is it safe?" Soos asks.

"Of course it's safe, you goober." I say, elbowing him in the gut. "C'mon, let's go up!"

"I dunno, Wendy. I think I'm gonna go play with Molly and Waddles. Mabel found a goat and she thinks they could be a three-some of best friends." Soos says.

"Baby." I mutter under my breath.

"Ladies first." Dipper says. My cheeks turn a little red and I climb up FAST so he can't see it.

"This is amazing!" I announce when I get up.

"Yeah. I come up here when I need to think." he says, laying down on a towel.

"About what?" I ask, laying down next to him.

"Just think. About anything, really." he says. "Pass me the journal?"

I zip open my backpack and pass him the 3 book. He flips through a couple pages. "Wouldn't it be great to actually see some of this stuff? Well, besides the gnomes." he asks.

"I guess so." I reply. "I'm kind of in the mood right now to run into a vampire."

"Oh God, you're just like my sister. All girls just want to run into a vampire." he says.

"I was joking." I say, elbowing him. Ohmygosh. How is he going to respond? I've never really elbowed anyone but Soos before. It just felt natural…oh jeez…

"Good. No running into vampires. You're too young to get bitten." he says, elbowing me back and jokingly reprimanding me.

I sigh, mostly of relief. He didn't even think it was weird.

"Okay, Dad." I tease.

"You, Wendy, have one of the strongest personalities I've even known a twelve-year-old to have." he says.

"I'll be thirteen next month."

"Sorry. One of the strongest personalities I've ever known an almost-thirteen-year-old to have." he rephrases. His hand accidentally touches mine. Oh. My. Gosh.

"Wendy?" I hear. Oh come on! Soos!

Soos is infamous in my family for always "breaking the mood" or creating awkward moments.

"What, Soos?" I ask, probably a bit more biting than I intended.

"Well, Mabel can't control Gompers so we need your help. Ooh, is that Cherry Pitt? I want one!" he says, reaching in the cooler next to me and pulling out a soda can.

"What is Gompers?" I ask, sitting up.

"Gompers the Goat. Duh." he says.

"Can't you ask one of Mabel's friends?"

"Well, Candy is babysitting and Grenda's out of town this week." he says.

A pink convertible pulls into the driveway of the Shack. The she-witch herself.

"Wendy, it's okay. I've got to go anyways." he says. The convertible's driver honks the horn.

"I thought she was fifteen?" I ask.

"She is." he says, shaking his head. "I can't believe that she took her car out without parental supervision. I've gotta go."

"Okay. When will you be back?" Soos asks, soda spilling down the front of his shirt.

"No idea. Probably soon." he says. The horn honks again. "I'm coming!"

We climb down the ladder and Soos practically drags me into the living room to grab a goat.


	9. Some Goofy Little Kid

I'm holding a goat and looking out the window to watch what happens while the guy I like is with his girlfriend in her hot pink convertible. Now there's a sentence I NEVER thought I'd say.

It's a true sentence. My nose is smushed against the glass while I'm not-so-subtly watching them as she tries to kiss him over and over and he pushes her away. That part makes me happy.

I wish it was me in that car though, even though he's pushing her away. I wish that I was a teenager. What happened this morning, when his pinky touched mine, made me think for a split second that I might have a chance. And then I realized I'm a twelve-year-old girl and I had corn stuck in my braces when it was happening. I bet if I was fifteen I would have had a chance.

"Wendy? WWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" Soos says. When he gets irritated he extends the length of each letter of what he's saying.

"What?" I say, turning around. He's slyly grinning.

"I knew it! You looooooooooooove him! You're so in loooooooove with him! You want to kissssssss him! Wendy and Dipper, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-" he yells so loud I swear they heard it in NEW MEXICO, and I clamp my hand over his mouth. (Why New Mexico? Because it sounds interesting. I've wanted to go there for some odd reason for a long time.)

"Shut up! You're so irritating!" I say, and instantly regret it. Even though he drives me to the brink of insanity I still love him.

Mabel's sitting on the couch watching the interaction, slowly stroking her pig. Her ponytail has become a mess, probably due to the goat mishap, and she's only wearing one shoe. (Why? I don't know. How would I know?)

"Gross!" I say, wiping the slobber off my hand on his shirt. "You know I hate it when you do that!"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" he resumes his song. Oh my GOD.

The pink convertible drives away, this time with two passengers. I'm instantly sad.

Why could I ever think I'd have a chance? I mean, he probably sees me as some goofy little kid.


	10. Watermelons and Disguises

This goofy little kid just got a whole lot less goofy. I've been up all night, studying what 15-year-olds like to do, and I've got a list in the back pocket of my jeans.

Things to do, things to say, just things in general.

I was at the grocery store trying to find a watermelon when I ran into Pacifica.

"Hi, Pacifica." I said.

"Hey. You're my boyfriend's little friend, right?" she says, perkily smiling.

"That's me. I'm Wendy, in case you forgot." I say. Her eye twitches. Maybe it's all the makeup she's got piled on her eyelid.

"Oh no, I didn't forget. It's pretty obvious that you've got a crush on my boyfriend. It's cute, but save it for someone else. He's way too old for you. How old are you, ten? Eleven?"

Did my brother tell her that it bugs me when people think I'm younger than I am?

"I'm thirteen." I say, which isn't technically a lie. Well, it is for another month and a half…

"Aww, cute. But still, hon, find a guy your own age. He's not into you. Trust me." she says. "You don't look thirteen."

When I'm mad I'm brave enough to stand up to a bully. And I am FURIOUS.

"Really? Can you tell me how I can look like I'm thirteen? Because you're so pretty and nice…"

Well, I'm brave enough to SUCK up to a bully. Dang it!

"Well, hon, for starters, stop with the flannel. It makes you look like a guy." she says, pushing past me.

Exqueeze me? (I've been hanging out with Mabel too much…)

Is that why he only thinks of me as a friend? Or is it because I'm a kid? Darn. Now I have options. Knowing me, I'll pick the wrong one.

I grab a watermelon and place it on the checkout counter.

"Miss, I'm sorry, but are you old enough to be in here alone?" the cashier asks me.

"I'm THIRTEEN!" I say, placing a wad of money on the counter and grabbing my watermelon.

"Keep the change!" I yell on my way out of the store. I run directly into the last person I wanted to see at that moment…Dipper.

"Hey. Did you just steal a watermelon?" he asks. My cheeks turn red.

"No. I gave the cashier some money." I say. He laughs.

"You're hilarious. Want to help me pick up some stuff in here for Stan?"

"If they let me back in the door ten seconds after a tantrum." I say.

"We'll get you a disguise." he says. I pull a piece of hair over my top lip and tuck the rest under my hat.

"I'm a guy now."

He starts laughing really hard. "You're the best. Just when I thought you couldn't get any cooler."

I unbutton my shirt (thankfully I had the common sense to wear a tank top under it today) and announce "Let us proceed." He lifts me up and puts me on his shoulders.

"Onwards we go!"

I'm trying hard not to show that I'm beaming with pride. I've gotten so many complements...from the exact person I wanted them from.

Even if it's just a piggy-back ride in a grocery store I feel a sense of accomplishment.


	11. Deep End

"Soos, we're not running to find the end of a rainbow so you can meet a leprechaun. It's not even raining." I try to tell my cousin, but he's insistent that he must meet a leprechaun. Why? I'm not sure.

"Dude, settle down. Want to watch Tiger Fist?" Dipper asks, and I swear he winked at me! Why would he wink at me?

"I wanna go to the pool! It's burning up in here!" Soos says.

So we decide to go to the pool.

I'll admit, I was looking forward to seeing you-know-who without a shirt. And then I got self-conscious because I'm twelve and female, and that's what happens.

I went home to get a swimsuit and realized that I don't have any that don't make me look like I'm four. But I don't have time to get another…so I guess I just have to find the least stupid one.

I met everyone at the pool, and Mabel was already stretched out on the perfect chair. The one everyone in this entire town tries to get. Her sunglasses were on her face, and she appeared to be sleeping.

Mabel's that one in a million girl who's never self-conscious. But she's pretty enough to wear a giant hot dog costume and pull it off. So maybe there's logical reasoning. Plus, she can wear a two-piece swimsuit without looking like a goof.

Soos was in the pool, talking to a girl. She was about our age, I thought.

"Hey, Wendy." I hear. I look up. Is that Dipper in the lifeguard chair?

"Wha-how-why?" I say, gesturing to the chair.

"Apparently they needed a lifeguard. So I volunteered. We need an assistant lifeguard. Do you…want to?" he asks. His ears are turning red. Either he gets really easily sunburned or he's nervous.

"Sure. I'll be back in a sec." I say. I scan the pool for Mr. Poolcheck, that super creepy guy who owns this place. I spot him over by the supply shed.

He looks at me. "What?" he says.

"Well, I'd like to be the assistant lifeguard." I say. He looks at me.

"You're kind of small." he says. "Can you swim?"

"Like a fish." I say. He hands me a whistle.

"Guard this with your life." he says. "The pool is a dangerous place, little girl. See this?" he says, and pops off his hand. I scream.

"That happened from a pool filter."

"Good to know. I'll be careful." I say, walking away.

I go back over and proudly present the whistle.

"Get up here." he says. I climb into the other chair. "Want to squirt people with water guns?"

"Umm…okay." I say, taking one of the guns and squirting his sister. She kind of jumped in the air. It was funny.

"Hey look, it's Pacifica! I'm gonna squirt her!" I say, and he puts his hand on top of mine.

"Bad idea. She doesn't like to get wet."

"Okay." I say, giggling a bit, because his hand was just directly on top of mine.

⃝⃝⃝⃝⃝

"Hi, I'm Soos." I say.

"Hi. I'm Melody." she says.

"You wanna get a popsicle?" I ask her. She shakes her head.

"I can't."

"Why not? I'm not a bad creepy dude." I say. She laughs.

"That's funny. But I've got another reason." she lowers her voice. "I'm a monster."

"What? No, you're not. You're nice, dude." I say. She pushes the raft in front of her away.

"Oh my gosh, you're a-"

"Mermaid. " she says, sadly sighing. She moves her purple tail back and forth and I'm totally hypnotized.

"How'd you get in the Gravity Falls pool, dude?" I ask.

"That, my friend, is a sad story. See, I was swimming with my friends, the dolphins, when some mean fishermen caught me in a fishing net, and then when they were contemplating what I was so I bit through the net, but then they were so close to land I landed on the land. And I would have died but the forest animals were nice enough to save me, and then I fell down a metal tunnel, flew over this fence, and rolled into the pool." she said. "I miss my parents."

"Dude, I can help you if you want." I say.

"You would really do that for me?" she says. "Thank you, Soos!"

"No problem. I'll be back for you tonight." I say. She smiles, and makes a dolphin-like noise. I look at her a little bit weirdly.

"Sorry. That happens when I'm happy." she says.

"Want me to go get you a popsicle and bring it over?" I ask. She smiles.

"I'd love that."


	12. Megaphones

"Hey, Melody, it's Soos." I whisper.

"Hey, Soos." she says.

"I'm coming in. I brought wire cutters." I say, cutting part of the fence.

"Okay."

"Who's there?" I hear. Wendy. Of course she'd have the night patrol job.

I keep quiet and keep cutting the fence. I've got the golf cart outside. Quietly, I sneak in through the hole I cut and go to the supply shed, which, thank goodness, is unlocked.

I take out a cooler and fill it with water. "Get in." I whisper.

She swims into the cooler, but the lid won't close all the way. Oh well.

"I said, who's there?" Wendy says. She's got a megaphone. It's really loud.

I put the cooler on the back of the golf cart and start driving away. She sees me and yells "Stop!", grabbing the pool's golf cart and chasing me.

"Are you sure it's gonna be okay?" Melody asks.

"It's gonna be fine." I say, honestly not sure. Wendy starts throwing water balloons. One hits the back of my head, and one hits the thing that keeps the water in the cooler. The water is rapidly draining.

"Hurry!" Melody says.

"It doesn't go any faster! This is a golf cart!" I say, trying to speed up. A minute later, I pull next to the lake, and Melody falls out of the cooler.

"Oh God." Wendy says. "Soos…"

"Hi."

"Hi. Sorry to interrupt this, but I can't breathe." Melody says.

"Wendy! You're a lifeguard!" I say. "Do something! Do CPR!"

"Merpeople don't breathe air, stupid!" she says.

"Then do reverse CPR!"

"Why don't I just roll her into the lake?" Wendy asks.

"Yeah, that makes sense too…." I say.

"Thank you." Melody says to me. "But breathing the air has made my lungs weak. How do my parents hear my calls?"

I look at Wendy, holding the megaphone. She shakes her head. "No way. If I lose any pool supplies, I get fired."

"Come on. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?" I say. She sighs, holding out the megaphone.

"Give Melody the megaphone." she says, resenting every second of it.

Melody makes a happy dolphin cry and I give her the microphone.

"Well, that worked well." I say, and Melody swims off.

And then she comes back!

She kisses me directly on the lips. Wendy just stands there with her eye twitching and her mouth open.

"I'll miss you." Melody says. "I can make sure you're never alone, though."

She swims off by the waterfall. I sigh.

"I'm never gonna see her again." I say. Wendy puts her arm over my shoulders.

"It's okay, buddy." she says. "I can't believe that you got your first kiss before me."

I pucker my lips and try to kiss her on the cheek and she leans away. "Gross. We're related."

She brings the cooler back, now that it's morning, and I watch as Poolcheck takes her whistle and…eats it? Gross.

"It is done." she says, sighing. Dipper walks over to us.

"Hey, guys. Guess what?" he says. Wendy looks down.

"What?" I ask.

" I just got fired. Apparently they found out who was taking all the snacks." he says, laughing.

"Really?" Wendy asks. "Me too!"

"Maybe neither of us should work at the pool. Maybe it's fate saying something." he says, elbowing her.

She may actually have a chance.


	13. He's a psychic

"So…" I say. I'm sitting in Dipper's lap because there was no room on the rest of the couch due to his sister, my cousin, a pig and a giant worm. I'm actually enjoying it, despite the odd selection of animals.

"So." he says, clearing his throat. It's probably twice as awkward for him because he can't really MOVE. "You're kind of heavy." he says.

"83 pounds and counting." I reply. Why the HECK did I have the desire to randomly tell him my weight? I think this situation can't get any more awkward.

"This is pretty awkward." he says, not beating around the bush. Just being brief and honest.

"Yeah…can't really get more awkward." I say.

"Any of you kids seen my pants?" I hear. Stan's standing in the doorway, no pants on whatsoever, and I shield my eyes. That is something I never want to see again.

"What do you know…it got more awkward."

I turn up the volume on Tiger Fist.

"Wellllllllllllllll…I'm gonna go get some popcorn." Mabel says, winking about six times at me. As to why? I'm not sure. I've learned that she's just a little bit on the…weird side.

"Hey, Wendy, it's that weird guy's commercial." Soos says, nudging me.

"Oh yeah! I hate this guy." I say, and Dipper looks at me.

"What guy?"

"Shh…just watch." Soos says.

_Are you completely miserable? Then you need to meet…GIDEON._

"What makes him so special?" Dipper asks.

"Just watch." Soos says. His eyes grow as he watches.

"He's a psycho." I say.

_He's a psychic._

"I think you meant psychic, not psycho." Dipper says.

"Nope, I said what I meant." I reply.

"You're pretty mean. What's wrong with this guy?" Dipper asks.

"Many things."

"OOOOOOOHHHHH! Is that the commercial where the hot guy has the pigeons?" Mabel asks.

I look at Dipper questioningly. "She likes any guy who's on TV." he explains.

"No, this guy's special." Mabel says, defending her 'honor'.

"This 'guy' isn't even shown. It's just a silhouette." Dipper says. Mabel sticks her bottom lip out.

"We should take you guys to this dude's show." Soos says.

"Okay." Dipper says. I grit my teeth.

See, Gideon and I have had some…issues in the past. We were friends when we were kids but that got awkward as soon as he was thirteen and I was nine and he developed the world's creepiest crush ever. And he's really irritating. Well, to me.

That night, we go to his show, and I wear my 'disguise' that Dipper loves so much. Part of the reason I wore it is because he liked it so much.

Piano music starts to play and the lights are dimmed.

"Howdy, folks!" we hear. Mabel's eyes widen, and I didn't know that any person's eyes could get to be that size. The curtains open to reveal a tall Gideon, about sixteen this year, I think.

"Seriously?" Dipper says, gesturing to the stage. "He's like…thirteen, Mabel."

"He's BEAUTIFUL." Mabel says. "I must feast my eyes on him forever."

Dipper and I exchange a glance, both of our expressions saying that this MUST NOT HAPPEN.

"My name is Gideon, and I've been performin' here for the past eight years! Thank y'all for coming out tonight!" he says into a microphone.

"How old is he?" Dipper whispers to me.

"Sixteen." I say.

"He looks like he's your age." he replies. "He still looks like a kid."

This deeply hurts my feelings. He thinks of me as just a kid. Dang it!

I think he notices this because he says "Actually, you look older than him."

"Yeah right." I say, laughing a little.

Gideon breaks into some stupid song about his gratitude for the audience, and tells them he will read their minds. Mabel stands in the aisle as he walks around, telling people stupid obvious things about themselves. She's determined to have him read her mind, which is insanely creepy. He notices her standing there, and actually does come up.

"My, my, look what the cat dragged in tonight. Your name is Mabel, isn't it?" he says, putting a finger under her chin and lifting her head so her eyes met his. She blushes and smiles.

"Oh my GOSH. He totally read my mind. He knew my name and everything." she says, sitting back down.

Her brother gestures to her sweater, reading her name in large colorful letters. "You don't think maybe THIS was indicative?" he says.

"Shh. I want to watch the psychic."

A few minutes later, we all walks out.

"That was such a scam." Dipper says.

"I KNOW, right? I told you it was a waste of time and money." I say. He laughs.

"No, actually you didn't, but if you did you would have been completely correct."

"WHAT? Come on, you guys. He was totally ADORABLE. And such a good mind-reader!" Mabel says. She walks a bit faster, mumbling about how she was gonna find his number on the internet, pink-jeweled cell phone in hand.

"Oh no." Dipper says.

"What?" Soos and I say at the same time.

He sighs. "I'm sorry you've got to deal with this. Mabel never really outgrew the 'boy crazy' phase, and falls in love REALLY easily. And this guy…well, I don't really see this working, to be honest."

Soos smirks. "I think it's that way with alllllllllll girls. Like, Wendy likes-" he says, and I cover his mouth. I end up doing this a lot.

"Wendy likes…who?" he asks. I turn bright red.

"NOBODY!" I say, grabbing Soos' wrist with my other hand and running. When we're far enough away, I ask him "Why would you do that?"

"Because I think you like him!" he says. That makes me a bit angry.

"I don't, though." I tell him. "And PLEASE, I've been telling you this for YEARS, please do NOT embarrass me in front of friends."

We walk for a bit longer and he stands in front of me, making me stop. "Look, Wendy, I'm sorry. Sometimes I just don't get it. If it still means anything you should take a chance. I think he might like you too."

He walks away with his hands in his pockets, something I know he only does when he's sad.

"What was that about?" Dipper asks. Crabcakes-I forgot he was tall so he walks faster.

"Nothing. Hey, want to go get some half-decent food at the Diner?" I ask. He smiles.

"Sure, kiddo."


	14. And Popcorn

"Hey, baby."

Oh, are you kidding me? I'm finally alone with the guy I like and then his GIRLFRIEND ends up being at the diner too?

"Hey, Pacifica. You know Wendy." he says. She gives me a fake smile and sits down next to him. She has lipstick on her teeth. Haha.

"I do. Oh, you have something on your face, baby." she says, licking her thumb and wiping away a tiny bit of ketchup.

"Uh…thanks." he says, leaning away very slowly. I'm stifling a laugh, and it looks like he can see.

"So, I got tickets to that new concert in town, you know, the girly pop one on Saturday? And my BFF just cancelled so you want to go?" she asks him, trying to finger-brush his hair. He CLEARLY hates it.

Now it's REALLY hard not to laugh. I'm literally biting my tongue and shoving French fries and popcorn(I don't care if my orthodontist says I can't eat it. I love popcorn, so too bad) in my mouth. I probably look like a chipmunk.

"That's okay." he says. She makes a pouting face, still brushing his hair.

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE? It won't be any fun if you don't come." she says. It's SO HARD not to laugh at his facial expressions and reactions as she's trying to be as flirty as possible.

"I'm sure you'll be fine. I already have plans that night-Wendy and I have a movie marathon." he says. We do? Okay…

He gives me a look that says 'Please back me up here' so I do.

"Yeah. We're watching the 'My Mummy's a Werewolf' series." I say, with my mouth full of fries.

"Eww. I hate horror movies." she says, going back to licking her thumb, and then attempting to wipe away a freckle.

Now that I couldn't not laugh at. I started cracking up, and then realizing that my mouth was full and totally covering her in chewed-up fries and popcorn.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." I say. She glares at me and storms out the door, and then Dipper starts laughing hysterically.

He reaches across the table when he catches his breath and puts a hand on my shoulder. "You are seriously the best. Not every guy has a friend who'll cover his girlfriend in chewed up fries."

"And popcorn." I say, smiling.

"And popcorn. Speaking of, you have some of that stuck in your braces." he says.


	15. Glowing Amulets

Mabel comes into the living room, a colorful sweatshirt and a big smile on. "Guess who just got a date with a psychic?"

Dipper and I are sitting on the couch, and he looks up and says "You, I presume."

"That's right, broseph! And I'm totally going to make it the best one EVER!" she announces, laying across his lap.

"Are you wearing makeup?" he asks her.

"I'm fifteen. I'm allowed." she says. "Plus…this date needs to be PERFECT."

"Okay…it's just…weird." he says, sniffling. She bounces up and jumps in front of the TV. "Come on, we're watching that, Mabel."

"You're not listening to me. I need this to be PEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCTTTTTTTTTTTT."

"Do you need help?" I ask. She smiles even bigger.

"Yes. Come help me." she says, dragging me up the stairs, with no idea I was being sarcastic.

A few hours (and a few hundred curling iron burns) later, she releases me. I'm glad to not have to breathe in the fumes of rose petals and some other nonsense anymore.

Dipper's fallen asleep on the couch, and there's a bunch of tissues on the floor. Poor guy. He's sick.

"BOO!" I scream. He jumps in the air a little and falls off the couch.

He climbs back on and playfully punches my arm. "Come on, not cool."

"Sorry." I say, looking at my feet.

"Hey, can you do…do…ACHOO!" he says. "Can you do something for me?"

"Sure." I say. He smiles.

"I knew I could count on…on…ACHOO!...you." I back up a bit. I don't want to be sick. "Can you spy on my sister tonight? I don't trust that…that…ASCHOO!...she's going on a date with." he says.

"I guess that this cold doesn't want you swearing." I say. He laughs a bit, and then sneezes. "Sure. I can do this. But I want something in return." I say.

"Okay. Shoot." he says.

Hmmmmm…do I really want anything? Well, that doesn't involve kissing or breaking up with Pacifica…not really.

"Five bucks?" I say. He gives me a somewhat-fist-bump.

"You got it."

"And you need to rest." I say as he's getting up.

"Come on." he says. "Why?"

"Because. You're sick. And if you're up and moving around, you'll stay sick longer. Just…eat some soup and watch TV." I say. "There's an okay soup place that delivers. I'll write the number on a napkin."

"Okay, Mom." he says, punching me in the arm again.

A few hours later, I'm hiding in a bush outside a fancy restaurant I didn't even know existed in this town. Mabel and Gideon are in the booth by the window, and she's giggling and poking a live lobster with her fork, and it's trying to poke her back.

Gideon seems a bit anxious, like not quite as "into it" as she is. He's also got this weird bolo tie on-it glows and it's this pretty aquamarine color. I'm immediately suspicious of this thing.

I decide to consult the journal, but I left my backpack back at the Mystery Shack. (no rhyming was intended)

Could that…thing…potentially have powers of some sort?


	16. Lost

"Are you okay?" I asked Mabel when she got home. She sighed and put a lobster into the fishtank.

"No." she says, sitting down next to me on the couch. I blow my nose. "Yucko."

"Sorry. I can't exactly help it." I say, sneezing again. "Was Gideon a creep?"

"Idonwannatalkaboutit." she says. "Gimme a tissue."

She blows her nose obnoxiously, and then HANDS ME THE TISSUE. I mean, I know I'm already sick, but that's just gross. I put the snot-filled tissue on her lap when she's ranting.

"And I know, it was just so sad, and then they brought out Lenny…" she says. I kind of missed most of it.

"Who's Lenny?" I ask. She looks at me as if it were obvious.

"My lobster. And Gideon was just sitting there playing with his tie the whole time and not even paying attention to me and I was being charming and telling jokes and everything and I was totally into it and he just seemed bored." she says, stopping only to blow her nose, and then continuing.

I attempt to interrupt her, but I know when she's in a mood she hears nothing but herself. So I just put an arm over her shoulders and turn off the TV.

My phone begins to sing "Disco Girl" by Babba-super embarrassing ringtone. Mabel doesn't laugh this time.

"Really, you still have that ringtone?" she says.

"It's catchy. Disco girl…Coming through…" I start to sing along. I manage to get a smile and a small giggle out of her and conclude my mission a success.

I open my phone. "Hello?"

"Hiya. Mabel back yet?" I hear. It's Wendy.

"Yeah. She's right here. Say hi, Mabel." I say.

"Hi Mabel." Mabel says. She's really bummed.

"Yeesh. What happened?" Wendy asks. She sounds genuinely concerned.

"I don't know. Something about a lobster and a tie." I say. I leave the room and go into the kitchen. "What did you see?"

"Well, Gideon had a glowing tie on, and he was playing with it, and I think he was smirking?" she says, pausing for a second. "Hold on. I'm eating corn."

I hear some chewing noises on the other side of the line. "Anything suspicious happen?"

"Not thath I thnow oth." she says. Still chewing. "Thou feelthing bether?"

"Yeah. A lot. Thanks for the soup." I say. Really? Thanks for the soup?

"No problem." she says. I swear I can feel that she's smiling. Knowing that she's smiling makes me smile. Her smile just has that effect on people.

"Did Mabel seem okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I gueth tho. She wath perky and bubbly like alwayth." Wendy says. Back to the corn…of course. "Hey, can I see the book?"

"What book?" I ask. I can see her rolling her eyes.

"The journal. I left it there." she says.

I look around for it. Living room, kitchen, upstairs… "It's not here." I say.

"Whath?" she says, clearly spitting out a mouthful of corn. "What do you mean it's not there?"

"Does the statement get any clearer? It's not here."

"Oh my GOD." she says, and I hear the phone drop.

"Wendy? WENDY? Can you hear me?"

The phone laid on the floor of her bedroom as she panicked. Where could she have left it?

Did someone take it?


	17. Is it?

I can't believe I lost it.

Oh my gosh, where could I have put it? It's massive, it's not like it's easy to lose. Okay…..dimensions. Think, Wendy, think. Where would it fit?

Under my bed, under the TV, in the laundry basket…oh, come on!

Did someone take it? I mean, it doesn't seem all that valuable, but all that supernatural-y stuff…we established that it was real…

Who have I been around who could have taken it? Soos? Nah, I don't think he's smart enough or cares enough about this stuff. Dipper? He told me to keep it. Plus why would he want it all to himself?

Oh, that actually seems plausible. I'm a little kid, I guess sometimes he wants me outta the way…oh, I don't know.

Great. I spend all my time falling hopelessly in love with someone and I know it's never gonna happen and then I assume that he's taken my book.

Oh, stop being such a paranoid dork, Wendy. You probably just left it at the Shack. I gotta call.

"Hello?" I hear, and a sniffle.

"Hiya. Mabel back yet?" I say.

"Yeah. She's right here. Say hi, Mabel."

"Hi Mabel."

I stifle a laugh because I hear in her voice that she's depressed. I pick up some dirty clothes off of my floor and search through them. No luck.

"Yeesh. What happened?" I say. I'm concerned about her now. Was Gideon a total jerk?

"I don't know. Something about a lobster and a tie." I hear walking. "Did you see anything?"

I pick up my dinner off of my desk, and then think about it. Do I really want to eat while I'm on the phone? Will he care? Nah, I don't think he cares.

"Well, Gideon had a glowing tie on, and he was playing with it, and I think he was smirking?" I say, taking a massive bite of my corn. "Hold on, I'm eating corn."

"Anything suspicious happen?" he says.

"Noth thath I thnow oth." I say, corn particles flying out of my mouth. Gross. I'll vacuum this sometime this month. "Thou feelthing bether?"

"Yeah. A lot. Thanks for the soup." he says. I smile, which probably looked pretty gross but nobody was looking at me anyways.

"No problem." I say, swallowing my mouthful of corn.

"Did Mabel seem okay?" he asks. I shrug and realize he can't see me.

"Yeah, I guess tho. She wath perky and bubbly like alwayth." I say. "Hey, can I see the book?"

"What book?" he says.

What does he mean 'what book'?

""The journal. I left it there." I say. Well, I think I left it there, but that part can be left out.

The phone makes scratchy noises for a few minutes. "It's not here." he says.

"WHATH? " I'd just taken a huge bite of corn so I promptly spit it all out."What do you mean it's not there?"

"Does the statement get any clearer? It's not here." he says.

"Oh my GOD." I say, dropping the phone. I look around my room for hours, and around the house, and even outside, but when I'm headed to the restaurant my dad puts a massive arm in front of me.

"And where do you think you're going?" he says.

"Um…to the arcade?" I say. He knows it's not true.

"Sure you are. Inside." he says. My older brothers are on the couch watching some crazy football game. Typically, I'd enjoy something like that, but I'm preoccupied.

And then I notice a corner of a maroon book sticking out from behind a couch pillow.

No…it couldn't be…


	18. Suuuuure you will

I sit down on the couch next to my brother and try tugging on the book behind him, but he won't budge. "MATT. Move it." I say, shoving him. He elbows me.

"Hey, little sis, you want something, you ask." he says. I widen my eyes and start pouting.

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" I start, and he covers his ears.

"Your squealing dominates. Get what you want." He moves over and I tug on the page.

A magazine? Gold Chains for Old Men? Who reads this junk?

"That would be mine, thankyouverymuch." Adam says, reaching over Matt and taking the magazine from my hands.

My 14-year-old brother reads Gold Chains for Old Men? My life just got a whole lot more weird.

But that means I'm still missing the journal. CRAP!

⃝⃝⃝⃝⃝

"Ohhhhh….honey, don't you just love this movie? I just LOVE this movie." Pacifica says, attempting to snuggle into my chest without getting coughed on.

"It's okay." I say. I'm not really one for movies that involve a girl and a guy falling in love when their eyes meet. It's just so unrealistic. I can't picture anyone who that would happen to me with.

Wendy, maybe? She's just a kid, but she has really pretty eyes.

"Isn't it so romantic how Brodger always brings her roses? Will you do that for me?" she says, snuggling closer. I sneeze.

Brodger. The names in this movie are so stupid, although they're not half as bad as Craz or Xyler from those movies my sister loves. I mean, seriously? Some people just shouldn't be allowed to name their kids.

"Ohhhhhhhh…and look, he's proposing in front of her parents! That's so adorable. Promise you'll do that?" Pacifica says.

Proposing? We're only five and a half minutes into the movie. What the heck is the rest about?

I never figure it out. I fall asleep on a big maroon pillow about two minutes later.

Pacifica wakes me up when it's almost over. "Wasn't that amazing? I loooooooooooove this movie." she says. "What's that?"

She pulls out a big red book from under my face. "Oh, that's Wendy's journal. I should give that back to her." I say.

"Oh, don't stress, honeybunch. I'll bring it to her. You just stay right here and get better, okay?" she says.

"Okay…." I say, drifting off back to sleep.


	19. STOP!

"GIDEON!" I scream. The white-haired psychic turns towards me and fakes a smile filled with bright white teeth.

"Wendy. How have you been lately? Thirteen now? Got a boyfriend?" Gideon says.

"No. You have something that belongs to Dipper and me." I say. Was that correct grammar? Oh, I don't care. I just want my book.

"Ahh, so you do. That's fairly cute." he says, clearly avoiding the question.

"Give me my book." I say. He winks at me and puts a hand to his tie.

"I don't know what in tarnation you're talkin' about, hon." he says. Sure he doesn't…oh, he is SO gonna get it.

I put a hand on my hip. "Okay, Gideon, I don't want to play games. I just want my book and we can forget this ever happened." I step forward and feel my feet lifted off of the ground.

"I told you, I don't happen to know about this book of yours." he says, but he lifts his arm and I see a book tucked into his jacket. He raises it higher and the book falls onto the floor.

"That's my book!" I say. I fall to the ground with a thud.

"No, that's my journal." he says. It's not mine. It has a 2 on the cover. "You have one of these?"

I decide it's best not to tell him. "No…." I say, far less subtly than I'd planned.

"Where is it?" he says. I'm lifted up again.

"I-I-I don't k-know." I say as my throat closes in.

Then the world goes black and I hear a voice shout "STOP!"


	20. Blinded

"STOP!"

Gideon drops his hand and Wendy falls to the floor. I run over.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" I say. She's not responding. Her eyes are closed-it looks like she was knocked out.

"You JERK!" I say, turning to Gideon. His eyes are glowing the same color as his hand fire.

"And what do you intend to do about it, Pipsqueak?" he says.

"I'm gonna call your mom and tell her you're really mean!" I say. My voice is pitchy-up and down and SQUEAK!

"You think I'm intimidated by some ten-year-old?" he says. Now I'm angry.

"I'm TWELVE." I say. "And you should be."

I hold my breath for a long time so my cheeks turn red (and potentially so smoke would come outta my ears but it didn't work) and he laughs.

"Baby." he mutters. I pick up a pair of lamb shears and run at him, and he levitated, bouncing over my head. He makes them come at me, and scrapes my elbow. Then I accidentally run into a cabinet and cause it to fall over.

I pick up Wendy and run out the door when he's distracted.

"Good luck, moron." Gideon mutters. "It's the work of the Blind Eye you're dealin' with now."

I get about to the arcade and sit down on a bench, putting her down next to me. She falls over in my lap.

"It's gonna be okay." I say, even though I'm not so sure.

….

"Is she okay?"

"How long has it been?"

"Four hours and twelve minutes."

"Kid should have been more responsible. Can't go chasing down psychics."

"Psychos."

"Whatever, kid."

I open my eyes and at first it's all blurry, like I hit my head. I see four familiar faces leaning over me.

"Oh, thank God you're alive." Dipper says. His cheeks kind of turn red, and I think mine do too.

Thank God I'm alive? What happened? I can't remember anything.

"Why'd you chase down Gideon anyways?"

"I thought…I can't remember." I say. "My brain hurts."

"But you're okay, right?" Soos says. He's kneeling down right next to the sofa, and I notice his arm.

"I'm fine. You should really take care of that." I say. He looks at his elbow. "How'd you even get that? It's nasty."

"It's not important." he says. "I got you out safe."

"Soos rescued you from Gideon's evil lair." Mabel says. Dipper elbows her.

"She means that you were sent to a trap. Wrong address."

"Whatever." Mabel says. "Still, his evil creepy warehouse lair had to be…well, uh…evil and creepy, right?"

"I guess so." I say. I feel like I should remember this. I can't remember anything, really. I feel like my mind's trying to tap into some important memories but I can't access them.

"Did you find out anything about his amulet?" Dipper asks.

"What amulet?" I say. I can't remember anything about an amulet.

"Come on, don't be funny." he says. "Seriously, what did you find out?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Is he mentally stable?" I ask Stan.

Stan's eyes widen. "The Blind Eye." he mutters. "No. Not again."


	21. Swirly Straws (Make Life Better)

"You're funny. Like I'm gonna believe that there's actually a bunch of GNOMES running around here?" she says.

"God, Wendy, please, you have to believe me." I say. "You have to remember the adventures. Please. You have to remember Gideon."

"But Gideon's nice?" she says. I rub the bridge of my nose.

"Gideon's an evil creep who tried to hurt you." I say, putting an arm over her shoulders.

Stan runs into the room holding a weird-looking thing. "STAND BACK. She's been hit by the Blind Eye. Nothing can help her." he says. I scoot over on the couch. She starts laughing.

"What?" Stan says. "Is something funny, kid?"

She's in hysterics. "Why are you holding a spatula like it's some kind of weapon?"

"It's not a spatula." he says. She's still laughing, and grabs my hand. Then she gradually stops and turns a bit red, scooting over.

"What's the Blind Eye?" Soos says. Stan looks around to make sure that nobody's watching (and why would they be? I mean, seriously? We're at HOME) and lowers his voice.

"The Blind Eye is an organization that erases people's memories." he whispers. "I've heard they put the memories in little vials."

I stand up. "Is there any way to regain them?"

"Well…I don't know." he admits. "I've got to get back to work. There's a bus of happy tourists who need a tour of the Shack. "

"Wendy." I say, kneeling down and putting my hands on her shoulders. "What's the last thing you remember?"

She scrunches up her face. "I…I…I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm not going to be much of a help. "

"Nonsense!" Mabel announces. "You can do anything! Let's go get your memories!"

"Actually, Mabel, I kind of want you to stay here with Wendy. Soos and I can handle this." I say. She sticks her tongue out.

"I'll take good care of her." Wendy assures me.

Soos and I grab jackets from the closet, and his is a bit too big-and Mabel's.

We head outside and start driving down the road in the golf cart.

"So." I say. He looks at me.

"Yeah, dude?"

"Where did you find Wendy?" I ask. He points up at the mountain.

"Creepy warehouse." he says. We're quiet for a while and then he asks me, "What do you like about Pacifica?"

I think about it for a minute. "Well…she's pretty." I say. He looks at me.

"Is that it?"

I look at this kid next to me, with the giant brown eyes, and I think about what he's saying. What did I see that made me like her? Was it that day at the arcade? I think it was. What was happening? I was playing a game, I remember…Fight Fighters, and she was playing with me…no, Wendy was playing as Dr. Karate. Hmm…right. Pacifica came in with some weird little kid and I remember I thought she was really pretty. And I know that we played a round…Hmm, no, several rounds. Where did Wendy go anyways? Was she jealous? No, that's not really like her. She's the best friend I've ever had, to be honest-kids at school would pick on me.

Wendy.

Oh gosh. Thinking about her sends chills down my spine…in a good way. She's sweet. She's funny. She's kind of pretty, for a kid, I mean…oh, who am I kidding. She IS pretty.

That sent a weird tingling surge through me. Why? It's true. More tingles.

_No. Stop it, man. She's twelve. Don't be the creep who's crushing on a twelve-year-old. _

_But hey, Mom and Dad are six years apart. But they're adults._

_No. Stop it! It's creepy. Remember that babysitter, Tiffany? The one from when you were six?_

_Oh, god no. I'm not going to be the Tiffany in her life._

"You know, Soos, I don't really know." I say. "I think that might be it. I've got to run an errand before we get to the warehouse."

…..

"Got any threes?" Mabel asks.

"War." I say. We've invented our own card game-a mixture of 'Go Fish', 'War', and some memory game because we didn't actually have a full deck of cards. I sigh.

"You okay?" she asks. Finally.

"Not really. How would you feel if you couldn't remember half of what you'd done in the past three weeks, and then somebody told you that some freakazoid erased your memory?" I ask.

"Fair point. Do you have a cat?" she asks. I look at my cards. A turtle, a seven, an ace, a horse, and a rabbit.

"Go fish."

"Hold on a sec." Mabel says, putting her cards on the table. They're totally face up, so I can see all of them. Not that I'm peeking, but her seahorse isn't gonna last too long.

She comes back with several soda cans and ice cream, and two massive glasses.

"What's that for?" I ask. She puts it down and opens a can.

"You ever had a Pitt-and-Dr. Fizz- Float?" she asks. I shake my head. "Great. I find it's good for your taste buds."

She pours a full can of Peach Pitt into a glass and then another full can of Dr. Fizz (the root-beer knockoff kind) into the same glass, and puts a quarter of a container of ice cream in it. She grabs a swirly straw and puts it in front of me.

"Try it." she says. It's half as tall as I am! I take a sip-and then I realize it's actually REALLY good."SO?" she inquires.

"That is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted." I say. She smiles.

"My work is done. I'll go make popcorn." she says, and walks into the kitchen singing some random theme song.

I take an extra Mabel scoop of ice cream.


	22. Unwelcome

We arrived at the warehouse a little bit after 7:00. "Is this it?" I asked. Soos shuddered and nodded. "How do you get in?"

"You go up around that way and then you uh…then you uh…open the door." he says. He's clearly scared. "Dude, I don't like this." His voice is doing that twelve-year-old thing where when he's scared it sounds kind of squeaky. Poor kid. It gets better, man, I promise.

"Me neither. Which is why we've just gotta get that vial and get out of here." I say. He's cowering behind me. I turn around and kneel down.

"Soos, you're a really brave kid. I know that you're scared. I'm scared too. Actually, I'm terrified. We just need to go in and out as quickly as we can, okay? I promise I won't let anything hurt you. Trust me." I say. I feel like a kid again, assuring Mabel that there isn't anything in our closet, especially not a toothpaste monster. I'm actually impressed that Soos made it this far. When I was twelve, I was a HUGE coward. I was scared of my own shadow, sometimes literally. I was scared of FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS (and I still kind of am, to be honest), I was scared of the pool (and I was HUGE on putting on sunscreen-Mabel referred to me as her "Ghost Bro" around her friends), I was really scared of everything.

Soos sniffles. "Okay, dude." he says. We both take a deep breath and walk up towards the warehouse.

I don't feel very welcome here.

…

"So, truth or dare?" Mabel says. She's invited a few of her friends over.

"Um…truth." I say.

Mabel ponders her question for about three minutes. "Have you ever…had a crush on anyone?" she asks. I swear I have to look like a tomato.

"No!" I say, probably a bit too quickly.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooohhhhhhh! You totally have! Who?" Mabel asks.

"No one." I say, trying to make my response a bit less…rushed.

"Are you SUUUUUUUUURE that it wasn't one of your erased memories?" she asks.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I have most of my memories. I just can't remember this 'supernatural' junk you guys are talking about."

"Okay, whatever. But REEEEEEEEEEEEALLY? Think SUUUUPER hard." she says.

"Nobody, really. I'm twelve." I say. She looks at me.

"Hey, I got my first kiss-and my first crush- when I was twelve." she says. I'm still in tomato-mode. She decides I've been embarrassed enough.

"Your turn."

"Um…okay…Candy, truth or dare?" I say. I don't understand the concept of this game. Is it just to find out people's secrets and to humiliate them? It's pointless.

"I pick…dare!" Candy announces, resulting in a chorus of 'Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!'s'

I try to search my brain for something they would consider to be an "okay" dare…

…..

"It's empty." Soos says. Way to state the obvious.

It's a completely empty storage warehouse. No boxes, no cabinets, no spinning-chair…not even working lights.

"Soos, are you SURE you have the right warehouse? You said there was a BUNCH of stuff in it last week-boxes, cabinets, spinning chairs.." I say. I've got to admit that I'm a little bit ticked off.

"I swear, dude, it was here." he says. "There were a bunch of boxes here, and a cabinet here, and a cabinet here, and a shelf there…" he says, pointing to specific areas.

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Come on, let's go." I say.

"WAIT!" he says, and I turn around. He's holding a piece of paper.

"Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle, banjo minstrel." I read off. "816 Central Street. Sounds like what Mabel would name her kids."

Soos laughs. "What?" I say.

"Toot-toot." he says, and laughs again. I forgot about 12-year-old humor.

"We're going to talk to this guy. Can you try not to laugh at his name when we're there?" I say. Soos bites his bottom lip.

"I can try."

"Good. Onwards to meet Toot-Toot." I say, and laugh a bit. "You're right, it kind of is funny."


	23. Thirteen

They've been gone all night. I'm so stressed out! I can't believe it. They could be dead. I have no idea where they are and it's all my fault because they were trying to retrieve MY memories!

Oh, God. Oh God Oh God Oh God. Oh godohgodohgodohgodohgod…..

Something could have happened to them. God, I hope they're okay.

I fall asleep on the couch worrying about them, and my dreams are no help whatsoever. I had a dream that they were hit by a car, mauled by animals, fell off a cliff…and I wake up to the sound of music.

"Happy birthday to you…"

Huh? I'm confused.

I open one eye and see Mabel, Dipper, and Soos there, singing. To me? Why to me?

Oh. OH. **OH!**

I sit up. "Oh my gosh."

There's cake, and even a present. "You guys! How did you do all this?" I ask. The cake looks floppy. I think they made it.

"Well, Soos and I had a grocery store stop this morning, and we were busy last night too. You were practically passed out on the couch so Mabel helped us to make a cake." Dipper says. I'm trying to relax my face but I think this smile is eternal.

"You guys are the best!" I say. When I lean over to read the cake I notice that it says "Happy B DaY WeNd_y" but I still love it.

"Yeah, the icing is harder to write with than I thought." Dipper tells me.

"It's perfect." I say. I pick up the present. "What's this?"

"I can't say anything, and Soos, keep your mouth shut until she opens it, okay?" he says. Soos nods, putting both hands over his mouth and licking off icing remnants.

I tear off the newspaper it's wrapped in (the Gossiper-it's so STUPID!) and open the box.

There's a little vial with my name on it. "What is it?" I ask.

"It's your memory vial and we took all night to find it and we talked to a hobo named Toot-Toot and then we went to the museum and we dressed up as Blind Eye guys and we searched through this huge room and we found it and we went to the store and Dipper bought a box and we put it in the box and we bought eggs and milk and stuff and then we came home and you were sleeping so we made a cake and put it on the table and happy birthday." Soos says, all in one breath, which is impressive.

"Yeah, that." Dipper says. "Happy birthday."

"YEAH! Happy birthday! You're thirteen today! You're finally a teenager! Don't get all grumpy-grump on me like Dippingsauce did." Mabel says, poking her brother in the face, and he flicks some icing at her.

"Anyone want cake?" I ask. I blow out the big candle in the middle and make a wish.

_I wish that this is going to be the best year yet._

I pick up the giant knife and almost begin to cut it, and Dipper puts a hand on mine.

"You shouldn't be playing with sharp knives. I'll do that. Can I talk to you outside?" he says. He seems a bit nervous.

"Uhm…ooohkay, sure." I say.

I start for the door and I see him tell Mabel something, and she tells it to Soos. He follows me outside and on the porch, he stands still and takes a deep breath.

And then kisses me.


	24. Extremely Awkward Parenting Moments

Hello? Yes, we've got a plane ticket for a Miss Wendy Corduroy? It's for Cloud 9. They're expecting you.

Two seconds wasn't nearly enough. But it was the most perfect two seconds of my life, especially right after I made that wish.

"Happy birthday, kiddo." he says, ruffling my hair a bit. He rushes inside and when he does I let out a noise I've never made before.

"Sqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqquuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"

I'm floating when I come inside to grab my phone. Not literally, but figuratively. I feel like a balloon-well, if I knew how a balloon felt. But I'm assuming kind of like this.

Thirteen. It sounds so much older than twelve. So much more...mature.

Speaking of mature, I seriously need to call Tambry-I gotta talk! And it would be just WEIRD to talk to Mabel about this… "Oh, um…by the way, I kissed your brother and it was amazing…"

Yeah no. And Soos would just tease me like he always does.

"Hey, Tam, I need you to come to the Mystery Shack PRONTO. No questions 'til you're here." I say.

"I'll be there in like ten minutes. Happy birthday, by the way." she says, but forgets to hang up, so the whole time she's riding her bike over I can hear everything she's doing.

Happy birthday. Those words just got a whole new meaning in the world of teenager-dom. I wonder if every teenage-year-birthday is so good?

Tambry pulls up in front of the Shack on her bike, and I run outside and put my arm in front of her.

"Not inside." I whisper.

"Okay." she says back. "So spill! What's this super important news?" She twirls a piece of purple hair anxiously.

"Well…I…I just got…" I say, my voice squeaking when I try to say it. I'm too happy right now!

"Got what? A new phone? Ohhhhh, a laptop? Come on, I have to know!" she says, putting her hands on my shoulders.

I take a deep breath. "I just got my first kiss." I say, sighing. She waves a hand in front of my face.

"Hello-oo-oooo? Wendy?" she says until I look at her. "That's SO perfect-on your thirteenth birthday! Ugh-I wish mine was that perfect! Stupid Robbie under the slide in second grade. Yuck." she says.

"Okay, gross, and not mandatory." I say.

"I KNOW. And he constantly rubs it in my face. It's weird." she says. "Sooooooooo…"

" 'Soooooooooo' what?" I say. She elbows me and winks.

"Who was it? Can I PLEASE be a bridesmaid?" she says.

"Tambry," I say. She tends to get carried away.

"What? If this guy's romantic enough to give you your first kiss on your birthday I want to be there for the wedding. How tall is he? Is he CUTE? Oh, I bet he is, don't even answer that. Is he taller than you? I mean, no offense, Wen, but you're really tall for thirteen." she says, babbling on for a long time.

"TAMBRY." I say. "There's really no chance of me having a future there."

Her eyes widen. "Why not? That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard and you're gonna DUMP HIM? God, Wen! Why would you do that?" she says.

"I'm not going to 'dump him'," I say, using finger quotations. "We're not even a couple. In fact, we're just friends." I say, even though I'm not absolutely certain.

"You're not gonna act on this? Why?" she says.

Um…because he's fifteen? Sixteen in three weeks?

"He's older." I say.

"Ooh, that's the best type of relationship, though! The older guys always know more about relationships than the ones our age. So is he thirteen? Fourteen?" she says.

"Almost sixteen?" I say.

"Oh, honey." she says. "Three years? Well…my parents are five years apart."

"Tambry, it would be weird. He's a sophomore and I'm in grade 7." I say.

"Well, you can wait 'til you're like…thirty to get married." she says.

"Who's talking about getting married?" I say. "I just called you to tell you about this."

She sighs and over-dramatically rolls her eyes. "You have to be the only girl I know who doesn't plan out her whole life. Personally, if it was ME in your place during your SUUUUUPER-ROMANTIC KISS," she says, making sure to emphasize the words by practically screaming them, "I would have already planned out where my kids were going to college."

Tambry comes in and eats a massive slice of cake, and continuously embarrasses me, but that part can be skipped over because, well, it was embarrassing. She left after about a half hour.

"Hey, guys, not to pop the bubble here, but is this a video or something?" I ask, holding the vial.

"I don't know. I think so." Soos says. Dipper and I have been avoiding each other since an hour ago.

"How do you play it? Is it some future video? Is it a HOLOGRAM? Oh my gosh, that would be SO cool." Mabel says. "Dippingsauce, is it a hologram? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE tell me?"

"It's not a hologram. And I don't know how to play it." he says, and for a split second his eyes meet mine, and then we both look away. Mabel notices, and there's no way she's going to let either of us live it down.

"Sooooooooooooo…what's with the awkward silence between you two?" Mabel says, right on cue.

"Mystery stuff." I say, and I think he mumbled "Birthday." something or other.

She smiles deviously. "I know what this isssssssssssssssssss…" she says, contorting her face in weird ways.

Dipper and I exchange a glance, both of our expressions reading "Oh no."

"I've…uh, got a thing…" I say, grabbing Soos' arm. "My dad's gonna be wondering where I am."

"Okay…um…see you later." Dipper says.

"Yeah." I say, running out the door, pulling Soos along behind me. He's smirking. Ugh, not today, PLEASE not today…

"WENDY'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!" he sings at the top of his lungs, earning him an elbow in the gut.

"Shut up." I say, but I don't really mean it.

…

"Soooooo...what'd you doooooooooooo?" I ask, laying on my brother's lap.

"Nothing, really, Mabel." Dipper says. I can SO tell when he's lying, and that would be NOW.

"Liar. You totally did something. Did you write her a poem like you tried to for that girl Sierra in ninth grade?" I ask. "Cuz' I hate to break it to ya, broseph, but that was not a work of art."

"No, I didn't write her a poem." Dipper says.

"PHEW! You saved her some eardrum damage there." I say, pretending to be relieved.

Okay, of COURSE I know what really happened but I want him to admit it to me! I'm not a snoop, I'm just a creative learner.

"Did you do anything romantic?" I ask. He shrugs.

"Define your standards." he says. I try to blow my bangs out of my eyes-and miserably fail.

"Oh, ya knowwwwwwwww…" I say, elbowing him in the stomach. "Flowers, love letters, kissing…basically anything in the Dream Boy High series that they do for girls."

"Well, I'm not Xyler, Mabel, and I don't intend to be." he says.

"Dip, I assure you that you are…a big dork." I say, poking his nose. He kitten-sneezes. "And you sneeze like an adorable baby animal."

"And you're an over-colorful goofball." he says. "And I question how all of the sparkles you've eaten don't affect your dietary system."

"Love ya too." I say, giving him a strangle-hug. "But seriously, bro. What's so secretive about kissing someone?" And I put my hands over my mouth right after I say it.

He groans. "You are SUCH a snoop! And you can't keep a secret, as proven by the past three years when I've tried to tell you important things."

"Bro-bro…I'm almost sixteen now! Surely you can believe that I know how to keep my mouth closed…"

"No, I can't, because you can't."

"I double-pinky-promise-swear that I won't tell anyone." I say, holding out my pinkies.

He rolls his eyes, maybe 'cuz it's childish, but he does link his pinkies with mine.

….

"Where have you been? You've been gone for two whole days. No note, no phone call, no text…I was getting worried you weren't coming back." my dad says. "How could you be so irresponsible? Do you have any idea how scary that was for us?"

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. No. NONONONONONO. Not today.

It doesn't work. I run up to my dad and give him a hug, and he puts an arm on my back.

"I'm just glad you're okay. Don't ever do that again. And happy birthday."

I smile. "Thanks."

He looks at me and scratches the back of his neck. "So…do you want a party…or are you too old for that this year?"

I look him directly in the eyes and put an extremely serious expression on my face. "Daddy. When have I ever not wanted to invite a bunch of hooligans over who put pizza slices and their socks in my bed?"

"So…that means…yes?" he says. I shake my head.

"Not this year. I'm perfectly happy spending my birthday with family and close friends." I say.

"Good. So, you're thirteen now…" he says. "Does that mean…you…uh…need special stuff…"

"Dad, I love you but I have no idea what you just said." I say.

"Do you…need to have…uh…makeup…or…you know…special undergarments?" he asks. I can tell this is extremely awkward for him, but it's weirder for me.

"DA-AAAAAA-AD!" I say. "No! No, God no, repulsive, no WAY!" I say, choking on the words. Makeup? That statement I could have lived with being asked about, I would have just said absolutely not.

But seriously? The day I turn thirteen he asks me if I need…oh, my God, I hate this word…he asks me if I need a bra?

I need some time alone to gather my thoughts and potentially vomit.


	25. Weird Accents and Happy Clams

**A/N: Yeah, I know. I had a lot of weirdness last chapter. Manly Dan's failure at trying to be a mother-like figure in his daughter's life…yeah no.**

**So anyways, here's even more weirdness.**

**WARNING: Goofy nonsense.**

Since the talk with my dad, life has been going fantastic-if by that you mean older brothers taking you out for pizza and totally embarrassing you the entire time, and then dropping you off at the mall with twenty dollars and being told to buy…sentence incomplete.

Which proves my theory that older brothers are morons. Yeah, happy birthday, little sis…

This is just too embarrassing for words.

And to top it all off, who do I run into but Mabel?

Okay, I know-I LOVE Mabel like she's my sister, but she's not a great person to talk to about…well, anything serious. She's goofy.

"HEY! Wendy! It's Mabel! Hi!" she says. Please no, not here…she has to be talking to someone else…please…

"WENDY CORDUROY! THIRTEEN YEARS OLD WITH RED HAIR OVER BY THE JACKETS! THIS IS MABEL. DO YOU READ ME?" she screams. I'm surprised that she doesn't have a MEGAPHONE.

"I think that girl's talking to you." a guy next to me says. I slowly walk over towards Mabel and he mutters, "Man, glad I'm not her. I'd be embarrassed."

No kidding. If I was in a rocket ship powered by embarrassment I'd be on Neptune right now.

"Hey!" Mabel says. "How's life treatin' ya as a thirteen-year-old?"

Well…I've been thirteen for about fourteen hours and I've had the best moment of my life and the worst moment of my life. Teenage life is difficult.

I shrug. "It's okay."

"Only okay? It's your birthday! You're supposed to be as happy as a clam all day! What can I do to cheer you up?" she asks.

"Are you sure that clams are happy?" I ask. What a weird expression.

She blows her bangs out of her face. "Holy Macaroni, there's so many cynics in this town! But seriously. You can tell me anything. I'll listen." she says.

I sigh. "My brothers are morons."

"Y'all don't need to tell may about bro issues, Freckles. I'z got a twin." she says in some weird accent. "What'd they do?" she says, lowering her voice.

"They were being embarrassing jerks at dinner and then they dropped me off here, gave me 20 dollars and told me to buy…a b…" I say. I can't bring myself to tell her, I just KNOW she'll be goofy about it.

"Your brothers dropped you at the mall on your birthday to buy a bra. How creative." she says, almost whispering. "Can I please wolverine-nail some common sense into them?"

She sees that I look kind of appalled at the concept. "I get it. I mean, I don't like…actually understand what you're going through with all your older brothers and stuff, but I know that when I needed one Dip was SO weirded out. And therefore I decided to force him to wear one, and then he stopped teasing me."

I stifle a laugh. "You made your brother wear a bra?" I ask. She nods.

"Four whole days. He hates me for it, but he's lucky I didn't make him wear a skirt too." Mabel says.

I'm trying to picture a slightly younger version of the twins with Mabel trying to force her brother into a bra, and it makes me laugh SO HARD, at the same time as being totally appalled.

She looks at me for a while, like she's trying to read my mind or something. "You want to go get a smoothie? I heard that they put pineapple chunks in the Pina Colada ones."

You know, I think that Mabel can actually be pretty cool when she's not being insanely goofy.

When we're walking to the smoothie booth, she stops me and says, "You know, it's really not that embarrassing. Every female like…ever…has to deal with this. So don't stress about it."

She has no idea just how good it makes me feel to hear that.


	26. BURN, Burn, um nevermind

So, after a particularly embarrassing birthday, I finally recovered.

But, even a week later, I never seemed to NOT be embarrassed.

"Hey, kiddo." I hear, and my hair is promptly ruffled. Dipper. "You coming in to get coffee pancakes with me?"

Have I mentioned that Coffee Pancakes, invented by Mr. Frank McGucket, who, oddly, is the son of an inventor, are the most repulsive thing ever to be put on this planet? But this opportunity sounded date-ish, so I decided to go for it.

"Sure. You are aware that they're probably filled with toenails and toxic waste, right? 'Cuz that's what they taste like." I say. He makes a face.

"I would ask how you know about the taste of toxic waste and toenails, but I'm afraid to know the answer." he says. We sit down at a booth, and suddenly I'm self-conscious. I mean, yeah, I'm a thirteen year old girl, but I've never really worried about these things. Where my mind would usually leap to "Oh man, I need some nacho cheese", it now leaps to "Does my hair look okay?" and stupid stuff like that. I don't like it. It's superficial. I need to stop it. Do I have mud on my pants? That would be embarrassing. Oh, DANG IT!

He looks at me weirdly and somehow I get lost enough in his eyes that I don't even know what's going on until Pacifica decides to be a freaking MORON and sit next to him. Crap. I forgot. The 'us' I saw can't ever happen because A) he has a girlfriend and B)I'm still a little kid to him.

"Pacifica, I told you six times to stop this. I'm really not trying to be mean but you should really move on." he says. Did he dump her? Oh my GOD the odds are in my favor! (Mabel lent me some of her "teen fiction" books and jeez, some of these writers have insanely violent minds!)

She scoffs. "I see you clearly have. Whatever. Screw you anyways. I can find someone better. After all, my dad like OWNS this town."

He DID. Is it weird to hear joyful songs in your head when happy things happen?

"Okay, Pacifica, Wendy and I are just friends. Really." he says. My heart goes back into its eternal slump.

Pacifica looks at me. "Yeah, I see why. Honey, you dress like a lumberjack. No offense." she says. What part of that wasn't meant to be offensive? And plus, I like lumberjack-ness. My dad's a lumberjack. My brothers are growing up to be lumberjacks. Odds are, I'll be one too.

"Thank you." I say. "And you dress like you're constantly running for a prom queen election." She glares at me. "You could cut down on the makeup. You could really lose some weight, cause I don't think that diet's helping much. If you know what I mean."

I think I pushed it with that last part, because now she's giving me a death glare. "Thank you." she says through gritted teeth, mocking me. "At least I care about looking presentable. Your hair is a complete mess, and you have enough mud on your clothes to have been rolling in like…a pigpen." There was more about me being something unrepeatable, and that's when I lost it.

Some girls are catty. I know this. I try as hard as I can to avoid being one of them. But sometimes, I need to go back in time to early Salem and WATCH THE WITCHES(and the ones with a B) BURN.

I figured out why I don't live in 14th century Salem. And…so did the fire department, and….. my dad.

I'm on prohibition. No electronics, no Mystery Shack, and certainly no stove, just sitting at home with my brother's old Geometry book trying to comprehend half of the nonsense written in it.

Today, after Math Book Time, I have to go apologize to Pacifica. I'd have preferred a ten-year grounding to this.

I don't know if I can do this.


	27. Love, Mom

"Wendy, can you turn off that stupid timer? I already took the burrito out of the microwave!" Matt yells.

"Why don't you try getting up off of your lazy butt away from your stupid football and turn it off yourself?" I yell back. I'm pacing around my room, picking up flannel after flannel after flannel shirts.

Yes, I know, I shouldn't have taken Pacifica's advice to heart. But I didn't know that then, and of course, thirteen-year-old girls are SUPER sensitive to criticism. I swear, you can look at us funny and make us burst into tears. So of course, when I was told I dressed like my DAD, I had the motive to rectify my situation. However, the funny thing is I don't actually OWN anything but my brothers' hand-me-downs. Red flannel, orange flannel, yellow flannel…I pick up dirty shirts off the floor and toss them into the laundry.

Lavender flannel…seriously? I mean, I know that Adam had his "purple, ponies, and punk rock music" phase, but lavender just seems so…girly. I hang that one up in my closet.

After I realize that I actually have a FLOOR in my room I feel that it's almost time to stop, until I run into something. It's a picture of my mom and me, as a little kid, like five or six, and she's pushing me on the swing set we used to have.(before Dad decided to punch it a few times when he didn't get free pizza at some stupid Gideon event)

I'm smiling. Really, truly smiling. I can't remember ever feeling that way after she died.

When I realize I'm crying, I put the picture on my desk, shoving off an old moldy sandwich to make room. God, my room is SUCH a mess.

I close my door, lock it, and spend a minute looking at myself in the mirror. I have a twig in my hair, along with some leaves. My shirt's too big, so the sleeves hang down over my hands. I roll them up. There's a hole in the knee of my jeans, which I'd covered up with some duct tape. I unbutton my shirt, and throw it onto my bed. I feel weird, I've never actually worn a tank top without something on top of it. I turn around, and then back. Does it look completely awful?

I hear a knock on my door. "Wendy? Can I come in?" My dad asks. Oh GOD.

"Yeah? I'm getting dressed, hold on." I say, tossing some laundry onto the floor, onto the lamp, and anywhere else I can. I throw my shirt on QUICKLY and forget to button it, and unlock the door.

My dad comes in. "I've been thinking." he says. That's NEVER a good sign. I brace myself, clenching my teeth together, and then unclenching them because I think there's something stuck in my braces and it's making my bottom teeth hurt.

He looks at me. "Yeah, Daddy?" I say, acting innocent, and I look down and I realize that um…my tank top is see-through. Disturbing. I quickly button up my shirt.

"I…you…your mother left this with me before she…you know. And she wanted me to give it to you when she felt the…time was right, or something. She really loved you, you know that, right?" he says, scratching his back.

My dad has feelings. My life is complete. He hands me a biggish box. It's wrapped all pretty, like my mom used to do.

There's a card. My dad sits beside me on my bed and watches as I read it.

_My beautiful daughter Gwendolyn,_

_If you're reading this I'm so sorry. I know you have to be feeling fairly weird about being the only girl around the house now. Keep your brothers in line for me, okay, honey?_

_I told Dan-your father-before the chemotherapy that everything was going to be all right. I just want you to know the same thing. Life throws these bullets at us, Wendy, and we just need to keep our heads up and roll with the punches. Never be afraid of the future. Everything happens for a reason._

_Dan is supposed to give this to you when the time is right-and honey, I hope that's now, you know about your dad and his analysis of 'perfect timing'. _

I laugh. Mom. That's where I got my sense of humor.

_You're probably all grown up now - or at least part of the way. Or Dan gave this to you a day after I…passed on. Or…maybe he hid it in his old hat and forgot about it until you were forty and had your own kids, and he sent it by magic, or whatever new technology you have then. Since I have no idea how old you are, I'm going to pretend you're a teenager, because that's when I feel that you're going to need (or needed) my help the most.(And Dan, if you're reading this in your sixties to eighties, you're a forgetful dimwit. And I love you just as much as always.)_

_I'm not going to beat around the bush. Growing up sucks. All of us have to deal with it, Gwen. And someday you're going to want a bra, or to kiss a boy, or to wear makeup. And that's okay-it's normal. You're young, hopelessly romantic, and you feel the need to fall in love, and to plan out your life for the next bazillion years. I know-I was a teenager once too. And I fell in love hard._

_His name was Daniel Dawson, and I thought it was love at first sight. (Yes, I know, honey, I have a bad habit falling for "Dan's"-and I saved the best for last. Can't wait to meet him. ;) Kidding, love you.) I was fourteen and he asked me to the eighth grade Valentines' dance. It was the first time I'd ever kissed someone. After the dance, he asked me to get a smoothie with him, and of course (duh) I accepted. We went out for a couple months, and then I caught him with Stacey Markowitz in the gym at lunch._

_Heartbreak is hard. I cried for a week straight, and wouldn't come out of my room. (If you're dealing with this, God, I'm so sorry. I'll tell you what my mom told me. "Someday, you're going to meet your soulmate, and your broken little heart will heal faster than you can imagine.")_

_It does, she was completely right. I met your father in college-I was a freshman and he was a senior. (Yes, you're probably thinking "Dad went to college?!" - yes, he did. For performing arts. Yep, in high school, your dad was Peter Pan. Go ahead, laugh. I did too. Gravity Falls High grad class of '82.)_

_Back on topic. He was the most romantic person I'd ever met. I met him in the cafeteria after I spilled my soup all over him. I apologized, and he completely disregarded the soup. He took off his shirt, and introduced himself. And my God, did he have some GOOD abs. (Sorry, you probably don't want to hear about how Mommy kissed Daddy and they had a baby… Blah blah blah.)_

_He was the quarterback of the football team, an actor, a singer, and (Dan, no offense) a TOTAL nerd. He had these HUGE glasses that took up half of his face. (Please don't tell me you got his vision problems-and Wendy, if you did, go for the TINY frames. Way less embarrassing.)_

_He'd pick me up for dates on a motorcycle. It was dangerous, but hey, I lived for danger. I was a nerdy little freshman in school for Cancer Research with red hair and a big nose. (I'm hoping you got my sarcasm.) Dan would ask "So, June, where to tonight?" And I know that as a mom I'm supposed to be like "no dating older bad boys, no tattoos, no dyed hair, blah blah blah"-and I will. And then when you turn eighteen as long as you're safe totally go for it._

_But yes, I fell in love, and I found my soulmate, had kids, and we all lived happily ever after…at least, I wish I could say 're going to hear this a lot. Every married couple fights. And boy, did we have some. But true love is being able to overcome the issues from the past._

_So, now I'm running out of room, because these stupid card companies don't make these cards big enough. I love you, stay in school, be safe, no bad boys, and then turn eighteen and disregard all of the above. (Please don't. I know that it's your choice but as a mom I'm naturally protective of my only girl.)_

_~Mom (Enjoy your gift-everything a teenage girl's heaven requires. Except a cell phone. Not until you're fifteen-although that's probably already a broken rule…DAN…)_


	28. Suspense

"You know what my favorite day is?" Mabel says. She's come to visit me while I'm in quarantine.

"Um…Christmas?" I say. She shakes her head.

"Guess again." she says, poking my nose.

"Halloween? Valentines? April Fools'?" I say.

"A nope. You were SO close." she says.

"What's the point of this?" I ask. She bits her lip and puffs up her cheeks like a fish, and exhales some word vomit.

"The day after Valentines! Wanna know why?" she exclaims, playing with my braid.

"Sure." I say. Why not, it's not like it could hurt.

"Because all of the chocolate is half-off, so you can buy a bunch. Plus the cashier looks at you like a freako if you come up with seventeen boxes of chocolate and say, "This is for my loved one." That was fun." Mabel says. "You know that you have the world's greenest eyes? Like…like grass."

Brilliant simile…

"Thanks…" I say. I kick something under my bed, and realize that it's the box from my mom, which I still haven't opened because I don't know if the 'time is right'.

"What's that?" she asks.

"Nothing." I say, kicking it farther under my bed.

"So not nothing. Let me seeeee! Is it from a secret admirer? Ooh, from a foreign pen pal? From SANTA?" she asks. None of the above.

"No, no, and you are aware that you're turning sixteen next month, am I correct?" I ask. She nods.

"Duh. Then I can cruise the roads of the universe. Look out, drivers everywhere, Mabel Pines is gonna take over the four-wheel drive industry!" she says.

I silently pray for the drivers who DON'T look out.

She pulls the box out and puts it on my lap. "Open it."

"What?" I say, laughing a little. "No way."

She glares at me. "I must feast my eyes upon the contents of this box. You are required to open it right now or I shall leave you alone in your quarantining time of need." she says. I give her a weird look and she rolls her eyes. "Oh, just open it." she tells me. I've never heard her talk in non-weird-poetic forms before. It's kind of nice.

I carefully pull off a corner of the paper…and then annihilate the rest to get to the box.

She pulls open the lid and her mouth drops open.


	29. Dental Torture

So, do you want to know what was in that box?

Tissue paper. And inside that? A hat, and inside the hat was a note.

I left the note on my dresser. I'll open it when I feel I need some help from my mom the most.

"A hat?" Mabel says. "Why a hat?"

I hold the hat up. "It was my mom's lumberjack hat. It was the first present she ever got from my dad." I smile, and Mabel shields her eyes from the wrath of the light reflecting off of my braces.

"Aww. That's SO cute!" she says, taking it from my hands.

"What are you doing?" I ask, and she puts it on my head. It's a little big, so it falls down over my face a bit.

"Now you'll always be close to your mom." she says. "And no matter what happens, remember that."

"What would happen?" I ask. She blows her bangs out of her face.

"Well, I don't wanna have to tell you this but some older girls are jerks about fashion and what not. This is super special and you need to remember that whatever happens it's always going to be special. Okay? Promise me." she says, sticking out a pinky finger. There's a purple smiley-face on her nail, and it makes me smile.

"Promise." I say, linking my pinky with hers. "And the older jerky girls? If they bug me I can set their hair on fire."

She pokes my cheek. "Don't ever do that again. That was seriously scary, okay? Just…carry around some scissors, not a lighter." she says. She pronounces "scissors" weird-she gives the 'c' a sound. Skissors. I like that.

"And why would I need scissors?" I say, pronouncing it the way she did, making her smile.

"You could always tell them they had gum in their hair." she says, winking. I laugh.

"Please don't tell me you've done that."

She looks at the ceiling. "Not me, but one girl in my class would do that to a bunch of people if they sat in front of her."

I look at the ceiling. What is she so intently staring at? She looks at me again.

"You know, you're a lot like me when I was your age." she says, taking out a wallet. There's a picture of her and her brother, at twelve or thirteen. Her hair almost touches her waist, and she's wearing a massive sweatshirt with a sparkly cat on the front. And her brother has a bug on his nose, so his eyes are crossed and he's trying to examine it. I smile.

"You had braces?" I ask.

She nods. "Dental torture, aren't they? I actually only got them off last year."

I groan. "No kidding."

"You know what?" she says. "I think I need to bust you out of here. Know anyone who can distract your dad?"

I smile. "Just the person. I'll call Robbie."


	30. The Phoenix Warrior President Man

"Wendy Wendy Wendy Wendy Wendy Wendy Wendy Wendy!" Soos says, announcing his presence at my window. "The Phoenix Warrior President Man is on the cupcakes."

"Hello to you too. Can you distract my dad?" I say. He winks at me.

"No problem-o, sen-yor-it-ah." he says. Soos is trying to learn Spanish because his Abuela speaks Spanish, and he's not getting it that well. I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but it's only the truth.

"Thanks." I say. "I really owe you."

"Yeah you do. Ten bucks." he says, and I laugh.

"As if."

He sticks out his hand. "Seriously though. We're both mature tweenies." he says.

I grab a few quarters and put them in his hand. "Keep the change."

When I climb out the window I begin to wonder if this is a bad idea.

⃝

"Hey Uncle Dan, dude. I'm selling…uh…Girl Scout cookies! Would you like to buy a box?" I ask.

Uncle Dan looks at me. "So you're a Girl Scout. Of course." he says, looking exasperated.

"So you do want cookies?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Why not. Can I have three boxes of…" he says, and I cut him off.

"I'm sorry, we're all out. Can you teach me how to swim? I still use ducky floaties and I'm gonna be a MAN in July so I gotta learn, dude." I ask.

Uncle Dan rolls his eyes. "I thought you were selling cookies."

I think for a minute. "Well, I was, dude, but this random Girl Scout named Sara took my wig and she won't give it back, so the troop leader said I can't be a Girl Scout 'cuz I'm not a girl-dude. So now I need to know how to swim 'cuz I'm gonna be a babysitter and I need to know CPR in case a kid sets the house on fire."

Uncle Dan looks incredibly confused. "Um." he says. "You need to know how to swim because the Girl Scouts kicked you out of their troop, and you want to know CPR so you can babysit and in case a kid sets the house on fire?"

I nod, smiling. There's a gap in between my front two teeth. Abuelita says it makes me look like a dainty squirrel. Maybe I translated that wrong-I'm not that good at Spanish.

"Soos, none of that is even remotely related." Adam says in the background.

"Poo on you." I say back to Adam.

Dan sighs. "Get your swimsuit."

Uh oh. I think. "Well, I would, dude, except Abuelita is out at the beauty salon barbecuing for the costume contest at the mall in February, and she locks the house."

He looks up at his roof, which is three inches from his nose. "Okay. Do you want to babysit?" he asks.

I smile again. "I would love to, but, you see, I'm not licensed to drive my blowfish yet."

"Soos, just go inside and stay inside. I need to go get…groceries from the pool." he says.

"Dude, that doesn't make any sense at all." I say.

Dan groans and walks out to his truck.


	31. Yerps

Okay. Think this through.

"Hiya, kiddo." he says.

"Yerp." I say. Oh God.

Now that I've actually established with myself that I like him I'm totally tongue-tied. Mabel helped me think of stuff to say on the way here but now she's getting all pushy.

Anyways, what the heck is a yerp?

Okay, pull it together and talk like a normal human being and not someone from one of those stupid baby shows that Soos still loves with the weirdo singing robots. (Oops…don't tell him I said that.)

I turn around and Mabel is keeping herself busy by whistling a BABBA song and twirling in circles. She's wearing a long poofy skirt that twirls out like a giant flower like in the movies. It looks like she made it.

She starts singing. "And heartbreaking is not fun, it's TRUUUUUUUUUUUE…"

Dipper pinches the bridge of his nose. "Are you kidding?" he whispers to me.

"Yerp." I say.

He ponders something for a minute. "Look, I-"

"And this is WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Mabel screeches.

He tries again. "I know I might-"

"Kiss me under the mistletoe! By the Christmas tree with all the lights that GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Mabel sings over him.

He grabs my hand. "Let's go somewhere else…before she gets to the chorus." he says.

"She's not there yet?" I whisper. I'm drowned out with another "heart-throbbing" verse. (or ear-throbbing…)

We climb into the tree outside. He gives me a boost, and I give him a hand. He takes off his hat and runs his fingers through his hair…oh God. Stop being perfect, man!

"Look, I…I know I might have…you know…given you false hope about…um…this." he says, gesturing to himself and me.

"It's okay." I say. It's um…kind of not.

"You don't sound like you really think that. Come on, I can handle brutal honesty." he says. "I live with MABEL, for God's sake."

I think my cheeks just turned red. "Oh…um…yeah." I say.

"So." he says. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…fine." I say. My heart has been torn right down the middle.

"No you're not." he says. "Quite frankly, if you weren't a kid, I wouldn't be doing this." he says, scratching his head.

"What do you mean?" I say.

He looks at me. "What do you mean, what do I mean? You're…amazing. You're pretty, you're smart, and you're not too much of a girl to climb into a tree with someone."

Now my cheeks are definitely red. This is not familiar territory. Retreat, retreat!

"Thanks, but you don't have to say that kind of stuff." I say. "If anyone's 'perfect' around here…"

He elbows me, and then realizes we're in a tree and puts an arm out behind me. "That's perfect?" he asks.

I elbow him back. "That's 'bout as close as it gets."

"Look, I know this is probably really weird for you. Believe me, it's weird for me too. I think we should just stay friends for now…you know?" he says. "And if the future decides to lead down that path in say…ten years, when we're both out of high school…who am I to deny it?"

"If there's a will, there's a way." I say. "Yeah. Friends?" I say, sticking out a fist.

"Friends." he says, pounding it. "And as a friend, I'm going to tell you it's completely unsafe to be up here. Ladies first." he says, gesturing down.

"Go right ahead." I say, scooting over to make room. That earns me a hat pulled down in my face.

"Do you know how to close your mouth?" he says.

"I can't. Wait 'til I get the braces off-then I can close it." I say. He puts his hand under my chin and pushes up a bit.

"Hey Wendy?" he says.

"Yeah?" I say. That's the first time he's called me by my real name.

"Yerp." he says, climbing down, and laughing.

"Excuse your French!" I say, chasing him.


	32. Soap Opera

"Ah." I say. Dipper puts a chocolate almond in my mouth. We're watching the latest Tiger Fist episode. He secretly likes it, but pretends he thinks it's totally cheesy, which it is. But I don't care-it's colorful.

"Your Royal Mabelness, would you mind getting OFF of my arm? Thank you." he says. I stick my tongue out.

"Derpface."

He looks at me with the derpiest face I've ever seen. "What is a 'derp face'?" he asks me. I shrug, and take a picture.

"That." I say. "That extremely photogenic person in this image is making a derp face, dear brother, and that would just so happen to be you."

He rolls his eyes. "Delete that." He reaches for my phone, and I open a message to Dad.

"I'm gonna send it!" I say. He's leaning on top of me.

"Don't you dare." he says, reaching for my phone. I type in some letters.

"Dear Daf, hope yUur doin welk. Here is Derf face making derf fACE. lov u, Mabel." I say, and attatch the image. I think that's comprehendible…

"Don't hit send, Mabel. Seriously." he says. My phone makes a little "whoosh" sound.

"Too late, broseph. First come, first serve." I say. His eyes narrow.

"You suck." he says. I punch his arm.

"Yeah? What'cha gonna do about it?" I say. He holds me down and proceeds to tickling.

I'm convinced that tickling is a torture method-because being tickled for super long amounts of time should be illegal. I think I'm gonna talk to the president about that someday.

"Stop it you win please stop it you're gonna end up hurting someone please stop!" I manage in several gasps of air.

With the scarce strength I have left, I know my last move should be a noble one. So I reach up and grab his hat, and throw it across the room.

"Come on, Mabel." he says. "That is completely cheating."

He's been delayed. My work is successful. I sit up, shoving him into the arm of the couch. "ALPHA TWIN DOMINATES ONCE AGAIN!" I scream.

"That was okay when we were thirteen and you were taller." he says.

"BAM! I knew you were gonna admit to my taller-ness one day! FEMALE TWIN IS TALLER!" I scream. He plugs his ears.

"You WERE taller." he corrects me. "And then…you know, eighth grade. And growth spurt stuff. And other things."

"Like being awkward and sweaty all the time and when your VoICe soUnDed LiKE ThiSSSSSS…" I say, intentionally making my voice crack.

"You sound like a squirrel who just had caffeine. I did not sound like that." he argues.

"Caffeinated squirrel phase, broseph. No use denying it." I reply. "I have videos."

He scoffs. "Sure you do."

"Yeah I do, like you singing BABBA in the shower and then realizing I was there and telling me to leave you alooooone."

"You do NOT have that on video." he says.

"Yep. I've even got some of my punny jokes on there too. Singin' in the shower's all fun and games 'til you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera." I say.

"You are the corniest person I've ever met." he says. "And I need that video so I can run over it with a semi-truck."

"Not gonna happen. I think I'll give it to Wendy as a birthday present. I'm a bit late, but it'll suffice, huh?" I say.

"Don't try it. Please." he says.

NAH. I wasn't gonna do that anyways but I wanted to see his reaction.

Heh. Soap opera. I'm gonna use that again.


	33. Jal-A-pen-ohs

"No, no no." Soos says. "It's JAL-a-pen-oh."

I sigh. "Soos, I don't know much Spanish, but I know it's pronounced jalapeno." I say.

"I'm the teacher!" he says, making a pouty face. How do you say "Please give me the jal-a-pen-ohs?"

"Por favor, damelo los jalapenos." I say, pronouncing it the way he asked me to.

His grandma comes out and says some Spanish, and places a jar of jalapenos on the table. "Jalapeños." she says.

"See?" I tell Soos. "I told you."

His grandma looks at me as if expecting a response.

"Gracias, Abuelita." Soos says. She smiles and pinches his cheek. "De nada."

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"Thank you." he says. "And De Nada means You're Welcome."

He literally pronounces capital letters.

"How do you ask someone what their name is?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. That's too advanced for you." He pats the top of my head. "Now we're gonna learn about how to ask where the …."

"The what?" I ask.

"…." he says.

"The bathroom?" I ask. Soos has always had a problem with the word "bathroom." He thinks it's embarrassing.

"…" he says. He doesn't look quite right. He's kind of pale.

And then a large flash of light goes through the room, stopping everything in time.


	34. Nachos

I pull off my hat, taking the journal out of it, and frantically flip through pages. Anything in here about seemingly possessed cousins? Time stopping?

I walk around. I seem to be the only one able to move.

The Shack. I need to go to the Shack. I run out the front door of Soos' house and start walking to the Shack.

"Dipper?" I call out. I'm scared. Really freaked out.

When I get to the shack I start calling out again. The door was left wide open. Oh my god.

Everything's black and white, and seems to be like scenery. I step on the porch and I fall through. It's like a hologram. I sit down and sigh, feeling a few tears coming down my face. I'm alone here.

"Wendy?" I hear faintly.

"Dipper? Where are you?" I ask.

"Wendy!" I hear, and I'm grabbed into a massive hug. Oh, thank God."What's happening?" he asks.

Now I think I am crying. "I don't know, but it's freaking me out." I say.

"Are you okay?" he asks, sitting down next to me.

I shake my head. "My cousin was possessed or something."

"Did you check 3?" he asks. I nod.

"Nothing in there about possession. Closest thing I could find were magic mushrooms that make you turn purple."

"How about time stopping?" he asks.

"I…didn't look for that." I say. He takes off my hat and pulls out a sandwich.

"Why?" he asks. I shrug.

"Emergency meat helps with stressing over the apocalypse." I say. "Want half?"

"Save it." he says, pulling out the book. I put the sandwich back in.

"Time stopping…time stopping…time stopping…" he says, leafing through. "Okay, so our options are limited to a deadly amputated foot, a fluorescent cactus that shoots needles at you, and a mind demon. You weren't in the forest, right?"

I shake my head. "And I'm pretty sure I didn't see an amputated foot, either. So what was the other one?"

"A-" he says, and gets cut off.

"Me?" we hear. It's a floating nacho with a face.

"Who are you? And what do you want?" Dipper says, pushing me behind him.

"Relax, kid, I'm only here to invade your memories. No big deal. I'm not going to hurt your girlfriend."

"What do you want with me, anyways?" Dipper asks. "I mean, no offense, man, but my memories aren't exactly interesting."

"You know." he says. "Pretty blonde girl summons me, naturally she wants her boyfriend back, tells me she'll do anything for it…blah blah blah."

"Pacifica?" he asks. "Dear God. I thought that was over."

"Kid, if it was over I wouldn't be here."

"Look, um…what's your name?" Dipper says, flipping through the book. "Aha! Look,… Bill Cipher, you can abort your mission. There's nothing you'd want with me."

"See, Pine Tree, I can't do that. I have a deal, and DEALS ARE NOT MADE TO BE BROKEN." he says, turning red. Now I'm terrified.

The time warp begins again, and now everything is normal again. Except Dipper's walking inside.

Oh my GOD.


	35. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He's in a trance. This is so not good. I've…I've gotta find Mabel, Soos, anyone! Preferably Mabel and Soos.

"Mabel!" I yell.

"Yeah?" I hear. She's hanging upside down in a tree right behind me. However, wearing a skirt was not her most brilliant idea.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Well, Dipper told me that your brain functions better when there's more blood in it, so now I'm getting all of my blood to go to my brain because I want to be super smart." she says. She's also wearing crazy glasses-one lens is shape like a star and the other like a heart.

"Are you sure he didn't say your heart?" I ask. She scoffs.

"No, that would be silly." She grabs onto the tree with her hands and flips down. "So why have you called upon the wisdom of the Mabel, young one?"

"I need your help." I say. "Your brother's possessed."

She cracks up. "I've known that since day 1!"

"No, I mean, seriously, by an evil nacho demon." I say.

She looks me directly in the eye and hunches down to look me in the eye. "Well, there's only one thing we can do."

"What?" I ask.

"We've gotta get him un-possessed. What did the evil nacho say?"

"Um…something about looking through his memories." I say. God, I'm so glad I'm talking to Mabel about this-nobody else would ever believe there was an evil nacho demon.

"You know what this means." she says. "We're diving into the deep abyss. We may never come back, Lieutenant."

"What?"

"We're going into my brother's memory. I've wanted to use that line since I saw it on Duck-Tective a few years ago."

"Oh." I say. "Um…okay."

"Call your cousin. This is a three-woman job." she says.

"Soos is a guy." I say.

"Right. Still though. One of us may never come back."


	36. A bunch of Latin nonsense

(A/N: Plug the Latin into Google translate and laugh. It's the real curse from the series-and SO random)

"Where's your kooky book?" Mabel asks me. I take off my hat and pull it out. We're surrounded by a circle of candles, and Dipper's in the armchair in the Shack's living room fast asleep.

"Maybe there's some kind of mind curse in here that's gonna let us save him." I say.

"I hope so." I hear her mutter. The book is promptly grabbed from my hands by Soos.

"Shrink Ray…carnivorous insects…goblins…evil nacho man…zombies…" Soos says.

"Evil nacho man, Soos." I say. "Is there some curse?"

He squints. "There's some random nonsense written in a different language." he says. "Is that a curse?"

"Duh." I say, taking the book. "It's Latin, Soos."

"Okay." Mabel says. "Who's ready to enter a place of unspeakable horrors, of embarrassing stories, and probably a few wedgies? Ladies…and gentle-Sooses…we're goin' into Dipper's mind."

She takes the book. "He's my brother. I should say the curse." she says. "Plus I'm older."

"Fine." I say.

"_Fidentus omnium. Magister mentium. Magnesium ad hominem. Magnum opus. Habeus corpus. Inceptus Nolanus overratus. Magister mentium. Magister mentium. Magister mentium_."

I grab the book and put it in my hat and she grabs each of our hands. Blue fire surrounds us.

Suddenly, we're not in the living room. I walk past a black-and-white swingset, which appears to be in a backyard. The swings are both split in half.

"So THAT's where that went!" Mabel says. "I've been looking for this since '07!"

"Mabel, it's not real. It's a memory." I say. There's the Shack, but it's black and white. Creepy.

Suddenly, the triangle man reappears.

"I see you figured it out. Smart girl. But you don't know what I'm looking for." he says.

"Give me back my brother, you evil nacho!" Mabel screams and runs towards him, attempting to grab him. She goes into him, and rolls back out on the side she began on.

"Not so easy to get rid of me, Shooting Star."

Mabel looks at her sweater. "No matter how clever your nicknames are you're still an evil nacho who's inside my brother's mind!"

"Hypocrit." he says.

"I am NOT an evil nacho." Mabel says.

"Is she always like this?" he asks me.

"Pretty much." I say.

He evaporates into thin air.

"Woooooooooah. That was creepy." Soos says.

We walk into the Shack and it's filled with a series of doors.

"Ooh, let's look in here!" Mabel says. She opens a door and we watch as she pelts her brother with water balloons. "Our seventh birthday. Fun." she says.

"Lemme try!" Soos says. He opens another door and we see a guy in a Scooby-doo suit, and Mabel closes it.

"That would be embarrassing." Mabel says. She opens a red door and observes as we watch a toothbrush opera.

"Okay, guys, stop. We have to find what Bill's after." I say. They look at me skeptically. "The evil nacho, guys."

"Fine. We'll stop. But after this one." Mabel says, watching her brother as a fourteen year old on one of those bouncy horse things they have at some supermarkets.

I'll admit, I laughed.


End file.
